


What Changes Shall Remain

by TheAngelofFate



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blind!Ezra AU, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s02e22 Twilight of the Apprentice Part 2, Ezra needs a hug, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hugs, Kanan is a loving space dad and nothing more, Kanan needs a hug as well, Many many hugs, Master & Padawan Relationship(s), Space Dad and Blueberry, malachor aftermath
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-03-12 06:17:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13541481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAngelofFate/pseuds/TheAngelofFate
Summary: The smallest of changes more often then not can change the outcome of some things. In this case, What if something had stopped Ezra from going to the top of the Sith Temple that day on Malachor? What if, someone warned him of a fate befalling his master? What if, instead of Kanan, Ezra is the one who loses his vision?What would change, what would stay the same?





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So i know it's been a while since I last wrote a story for SWR, I know that it's been a while since I wrote about my favorite Spacedad and his Spaceson. But since Rebels is coming back in a month, here i am again, writing again for SWR with much excitement for the final season. This is an idea I got from a fellow Tumblr friend of mine.
> 
> She gave me the wonderfully sad idea for Rebels.

Kanan and Ahsoka were fighting off the Inquisitors when he and Maul reached the top of the stairs. Both of them looked to be faring well, but Ezra could tell that would only last for so long. But when Ezra looked to Maul to see if he was ready to join them, he noticed that he wasn't looking at the fighting, but upwards. Following his gaze, Ezra saw that there were small lights coming from the dark surface of Malachor.

"What is it?" He asked, curiously.

"Nothing." Maul said with a slight shake of his head. "We must not delay. I will handle this." He spoke firmly, gesturing to the fighting going down below them. "You take the Holocron, place it in the obelisk. Activate the temple and gain the knowledge you seek." The tone of Maul's voice was calm, collected, trusting.

His thoughts turned to Kanan and Ahsoka, worried about their safety because the Inquisitors have been doing this; fighting, training for years, decades even. And they were all just regaining their footing, even though Ahsoka was skilled, **_far_** better then himself and possibly Kanan, Ezra knew that even she had her limits. _Maul will be with them_. He thought, reasoning the worry and fear away. _They'll be fine._ His emotions calmed, Ezra nodded his head.

"I'll meet you at the top."

And with that they separated. Ezra going to the top of the temple and Maul going to help his friends.

The young Padawan hoped that after Maul helps them and everything was done, Kanan would trust Maul and see what Ezra does, a good guy instead of being so mistrusting and defensive. He sighed as he made his way up the stairs. Honestly, he cared about Kanan, the man gave him a home, a family. Kanan was there in ways his own father wasn't, where his own father _couldn't_ because of the Empire. And even though they've had their differences, Ezra had come to view Kanan as his father, a surrogate if anything else.

Which is why he hope that his Master would come around in trusting Maul, because what Ezra wanted most in the galaxy was for Kanan to trust him, he knew it was silly but honestly, isn't that what all children want from their parents?

_Turn back_

Huh?

Ezra stopped his ascent when he heard _something_ , he listened carefully for a few seconds but was only met with silence, had he imagined it? A voice calling out to him, like a whisper in the air? Shaking his head, Ezra continued onward.

_Turn back_

Okay, he _definitely_ heard something that time.

"Hello?" He called out, looking around for the source of the voice. But there was absolutely no one around. But that's when something clicked within Ezra's mind, no one was around, no one physical anyway.

Ezra couldn't help but recall Kanan's words from a while back. _"The Force is trying to tell you something, listen to it."_ Blinking several times, Ezra tried to process the fact that the Force was talking to him. "Hello, umm, _Force_? Is there something you want to tell me?" He asked only feeling slightly embarrassed at talking at open air.

 _Turn back, young one._ The voice appeared in a hushed whisper, as it now sounded feminene it almost was like Ezra was hearing this within his own head. _You're Master will pay a heavy cost if you don't._

The words wove ice into his veins, it sent chills down his spine, his heart hammered in his chest. "Kanan?" He asked, his voice barely there, almost thinking that his master would answer back like he always did. His thoughts trailed back to before, when Kanan had been captured by the Grand Inquisitor, where he watched with tear filled eyes as Hera left him behind. He remembered that the days stretched into weeks and then a month rolled by and still no sign of his Master. But still even when everyone had there doubts that Kanan was even alive, Ezra _**refused**_ to give up because he could feel Kanan's _pain_ , as General Tarkin and the Grand Inquisitor tortured him.

He remembered how he felt back then, and it matched up exactly as he did now. And it scared him to death.

"Kanan!" He called out as he turned around and descended down the stone steps. Ezra knew that he should be using the Sith Holocron to activate the temple, to gain the knowledge that he desired, that should be his mission. But _kriff_ knowledge. Right now, Kanan **_needed_ ** him, and that was more important then any knowledge he could get from the Holocron.

When he finally made it back to where he had been standing with Maul, he saw that Kanan, Ahsoka and Maul were still fighting the Fifth and Eight Inquisitors. He watched as Maul ended the life of the Fifth Brother and once again he _froze_ up at the brutality of it, just like with the Seventh Sister. It was only when he saw last Inquisitor fall to his death that the shock finally wore off and he force-leaped down the rest of the stairs, breaking into a run. "Kanan!" He called out, _**relief**_ washing over his voice and his body. Maybe the Force had been wrong? Because every thing was fine, there was no danger and what other hostiles could there be besides the Inquisitors as of now?

"Ezra!?" He watched Kanan turned to him and his emotions must have been clear a crossed his face because his Master's expression went from confusion to worry.

Then in a split second, time seemed to stop, slow down even. Or at least it did for Ezra, because his gaze suddenly shifted to Maul and Ezra could feel something sinister, something dark and foreboding coming from the man. He watched as Maul grip his lightsaber in his hands, igniting it. Dread filled his heart, a cold realization crashed into him. Because they still were in danger. Because Kanan had been right and Ezra had been so very wrong.

"Kanan!" He ran faster.

Faster

Faster

_You're Master will pay a heavy cost._

Even _faster_ until Ezra was right on top of them and Maul swung his weapon at his master. "NO!" He yelled as he force-leaped the rest of the way, knocking Kanan out of the way, and—

Agony exploded from his eyes.

A gut wrenching scream escaped his lips as utter _agony_ consumed him. A hand flew to his eyes, the force of Maul's attack causing him to fall to the ground.

All he saw was red.

"EZRA!"

Ezra tried to focus on Kanan's voice, he tried to stand, tried to force the red away from his vision, so that he could _see_ , but he couldn't, the pain was too great, all he could do was curl into himself, wishing that the burning would just **stop**. Ezra was vaguely aware of fighting going on, of screaming echoing around him but at this point he couldn't tell if it was his own or not.

Then he felt someone touch his shoulder, instinctively Ezra jerked back with a yelp of pain and fear. "Ezra! Ezra, it's me." And the young Padawan felt a brush against his mind, the solid presence of Kanan. The _very one_ he did this for. The very one whom, if he hadn't taken the hit would have been in the **_exact_** same position or so much _worse_ and Ezra wouldn't have even known because he had trusted Maul instead of his own master.

His own father.

Promptly, Ezra burst into tears.

"K-K- _Kanan_!" He wailed, the saltiness of his tears only furthered in his anguishing pain of the wound over his eyes. He tried to find his master, his vision was nothing but a pool of swirling of equal black and red, he blindly reach out out for him but merely grasped at air and that made him cry all the harder. "It hurts, Kanan... _**Dad**_ , it _hurts_.. Please, make it **_stop_**." He buried his face into his father's chest and clung to him desperately.

Abruptly, he was being held in strong arms, strong arms that Ezra noticed were shaking ever so slightly as Kanan held him close to his chest, a chaste kiss fell on the crown of his head. "I got you, Ezra. Shh, it's going to be okay." Kanan whispered out, as he proceeded to rock them both back and forth, an affectionate and comforting gesture that they have grown use to doing so, over the course of their time together.

But they both knew that was a lie.

The pain in his eyes was becoming far too hard for him to handle, so intense that it left him feeling nauseous.

Seconds pass, and Ezra blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next part, will be in Kanan's POV.
> 
> Man, does it feel good to write moments of angst, hurt/comfort and hugs between these two again. I just love Kanan and Ezra and I have a strong feeling that the final season is going to make me cry. All that I hope is that Kanan doesn't die, i won't be able to physically handle to sadness.
> 
> Anywoo, thoughts? A penny for them? Please leave them in a comment and I'll see you all soon


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy kriff, guys. Seven reviews in only a few days? That honestly shocked me, I wasn't expecting that at all, usually my stories turned to get little or no reviews at all over the course of being apart of fanfiction, I do get them, just not as fast as I got for this one.
> 
> I'm honestly so happy, you all really made my day, thank you all so much for the kind words, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story so far.

When Maul showed up to help them fight the two remaining Inquisitors, Kanan expected to see Ezra following behind him, since the last time he saw his Padawan, was with Maul. So when he didn't appear, with his lightsaber drawn, ready to fight with them, worry immediately erupted within him. Where else could Ezra be? Was he injured? _No, no._ He would have felt it if he had been. Maybe he and Maul got separated, just like Kanan and Ezra had been after Ezra fell down that hole caused by the Eigth Brother? Or had Maul done something to him? Again, _no_. His bond with Ezra was deep, Kanan would have felt it. So the question still begged, if he wasn't injured, was he safe? Among this place of darkness? The Jedi Knight wanted nothing more then to run in the opposite direction and look for his Padawan.

But he wasn't able to do so for the Eighth Brother charged at him, twisting his saber threateningly. Kanan blocked the on coming attack. He delivered a few good hits of his own, before he was actually able to damage the Inquisitors saber, right at the hilt.

The Inquisitor looked to his saber and looked before, the man must have realized his odds weren't stacked in his favor as Kanan took a fighting stance, Ahsoka and Maul doing the same behind him, for he then leaped off the temple and tried to flee, and he would have succeeded if not for his lightsaber breaking apart and he went falling to the ground below, a fall no one could survive.

Despite all odds, they were finally rid of the Inquisitors, at least those three. All thanks to Maul. Maybe Ezra had been correct, maybe he could trust Maul. He had saved Ezra, saved them.

Maybe...

"Kanan!" A voice called out to him. Turning to his right, he saw Ezra coming towards them.

"Ezra!?" Relief flooded over him. _Thank the Force. He's alright._ Kanan sighed to himself. But then the Jedi Knight felt the _fear_ within Ezra, the _relief_. And as Ezra got closed the more Kanan was able to see those said emotion and more plastered a crossed his face.

Had something happened?

What was wrong?

"Kanan!" Ezra's voice seemed to near hysterics as he ran faster. And Kanan tried to meet him half way, as he always did. But found himself rooted to the spot, unable to move his legs. He could do nothing but watch as out of the corner of his eye, saw saw Maul shift, his lightsaber igniting, as if he were getting ready to attack.

"NO!" Ezra screamed, and it seemed running wasn't enough for him anymore, for his Padawan force-leaped the rest of the way, knocking Kanan over. Stumbling backward, he witnessed with utter horror as Maul's lightsaber connect with Ezra's face.

A gut wrenching scream tore echoed throughout the area. It was raw, painful to the ears, it was filled with such agony, it left him feeling dizzy. Because he _felt_ it. It was as if someone had stabbed him in the chest, tore out his heart, tore off a limb, the feeling was so intense it left him gasping.

His blood going cold, his heart stopping.

"EZRA!"

He stood frozen by his own horror and fear, looking on as his Padawan curled into himself, the pain and anguish coming off him in waves, crashing into Kanan's soul.

"I had not planned for this." Maul said as he locked sabers with Ahsoka. "I had envision myself killing the boy's master, telling him that he had perished at the hand of our attackers after he had activated the temple's weapon, and taking him as my own apprentice." Maul paused to launch Ahsoka back as he grabbed the Sith Holocron that had dropped from Ezra's grasp when he fell to the ground, only to have Ahsoka steal it back just as swiftly as Maul had taken it. "This is most unfortunate."

Something _snapped_ within Kanan, anger surged in his heart, it lit such a fire deep within him that he almost saw red. A roar erupted tore through his throat as he ignited his lightsaber and swung at the Sith. "That was a mistake." He growled, his voice deadly. The same words he had spoken to the Grand Inquisitor back on the ship of Grand Moff Tarkin. But back then when he had said those words, he felt a calmness wash over him, a need to fight, to end it all with the Grand Inquisitor, to avenge his fallen Padawan because that is what the Forced willed. But that didn't mean he was any less dangerous.

But now the calmness he felt back was now entwined with anger. He seemed to be in the middle, between Rage and Serenity. He had no idea the difference between then and now. Maybe it was because he and Ezra had grown so much _closer_ since that event transpired, their bond becoming deeper then even the one he shared with his own Master, maybe because he's grown to see Ezra as more then just a smart mouthed kid, like he had before, that to him Ezra was more his _son_ then just his Padawan?

Or maybe it was all of the above.

Whatever the reason, Kanan knew this; Hurt Ezra, there will no no safe place to hide.

Breathe

Calm

And that made him even more dangerous.

Maul gave him a sadistic smile, jumping back to gain some distance between them. With grace, Kanan flipped towards the Sith and once again their sabers connected. "Don't worry, Master Jedi. I'm sure Ezra will be of use to you, reading scriptures in braille." Maul stated mockingly, but Kanan wasn't going to take the bait. Right now he needed a clear head, right now he needed to focus on defeating Maul. Acting out in anger won't help the situation. Their attacks were equal in match but in the end Kanan managed to gain the upper hand when a shock wave erupted within the area, causing Maul to be caught off guard. Thinking quickly, Kanan used Force-pushed, sending Maul flying over the side of the temple.

Breathe

Breathe

It was over.

"Ezra!" His head jerked upward and he broke into a run, making his way back to his injured Padawan. Once he got there, he saw Ezra was still in the exact position, curled in a fight ball of pain. Making his way over, Kanan reached out and touched Ezra's shoulder, something he's always done as a gesture of comfort. And he tried to not let it bother him when Ezra flinched away from his touch, when he let out a yelp of fear. He tried, but he didn't succeed. "Ezra! Ezra, it's me." Kanan said in a calm voice, gently brushing against Ezra's mind, against their bond, sending him _comfort_ and _reassurance_. He needed to assess the damage, he needed to make sure the injured wasn't life threatening. But it was too dark to make out how bad the injury was.

Suddenly, Ezra burst into tears. "K-K- _Kanan_!" His Padawan wailed as his hand reached out and tried to find him, but merely grasped at air. "It hurts, Kanan... _**Dad**_ , it _hurts_.. Please, make it _**stop**_."

He couldn't help the small gasp that escaped his lips at those words, because he's never heard Ezra's voice ever sound like that. So full of agony, desperation, and fear.

Kanan's entire heart _shattered_ in that moment as he looked his Padawan, so fragile and scared. Begging his father to make it all stop, as he buried his face into his chest, and right now he couldn't make the pain go away, for he didn't have the medical supplies. But he could give Ezra something else, something that the boy was craving now more then relief; comfort. Without any hesitation, the Jedi Knight wrapped his arms around his boy and pulled him close. Placing a small kiss on the top of Ezra's head as he rocked them back and forth. Sending the young teen, waves and waves of _love_.

"I got you, Ezra. Shh, it's going to be okay." Even though, his heart truly didn't fully believe that, Kanan was going to make _sure_ that it was. Seconds later, he felt Ezra go limp in arms. And Kanan breathed a small sigh of relief, placing another kiss on the top of his head, because at least his Padawan wasn't in any pain, for now at least.

Standing to his feet, Kanan picked Ezra up in his arms. They had to get out of here, even with the Inquisitors and Maul gone there still was Vader. And he didn't want to think about what would happen if they didn't escape before he arrived.

He could be here many minute—

Just then second shock wave exploded around the area, almost causing him to drop to his knees. Looking around for the source, he realized that the top of the Sith Temple, there was a glow around it, a beam of light suddenly disappeared. And Kanan recalled that Maul had said was actually a weapon powered by the Holocron. Someone must have activated it, when he and Maul had been dueling.

Vader. It had to be.

So then Ahsoka must be there as well. But then that meant she was fighting Vader, alone.

Shit.

They couldn't leave without her, she was their friend, she was the only one in their life that understood what it meant to be a Jedi, even if she no longer was one. Holding Ezra close to him, Kanan made his way up the stairs towards the Sith Temple.

Once there, Kanan immediately notice Ahsoka, fighting Vader. "Ahsoka!" Kanan called out but the roaring of the blazing winds kept his voice from fulling reaching her. Another shock wave shook the temple and Kanan focused on the Holocron. They had to deactivate the Temple, they couldn't allow Vader the chance of taking something that powerful fall into the Empires hands.

But how? Only a Master and a Padawan could take the Holocron. And with Ezra being unconscious, there was no way he could do it on his own.

But he had to try.

Holding Ezra close, Kanan made his way to the center of the temple, slowly he reached out and was promptly blasted backwards but was able to catch himself before he fell to the ground. _Dammit._ This wasn't going to work. But then Kanan got an idea, it was crazy, but Master Billaba always said that the Force worked in mysteries ways, and right now they needed a miracle. Shifting Ezra in his arms, so that the boy's feet hovered slightly below the ground, Kanan placed his hand over top his unconscious Padawan's, and reached for the Holocron, and this time, he was able to grasp it. Taking this opportunity, he pulled on artifact and he kept pulling until finally after what seemed like years, it budged slightly and then it popped right out so quick that this time, Kanan did fall on his backside, instinctively he held on to Ezra, taking most of the impact when they'd fallen.

And as he made his way in standing back up, he heard the sound of a ship approaching. Turning he saw that it was Chopper with the _Phantom_. "Chopper! Am I glad to see you!" He yelled over the raging wind toward the droid. Chopper made beeps and warbling noises. Berating him on exactly why he had not been notified sooner before things got so chaotic. "Yeah! Yeah, I know! But I was a little preoccupied!" He began walking towards the droid, maybe if he got Ezra inside then he could go and help Ahsoka.

Just as he thought those words, Kanan suddenly felt the Holocron be yanked from his grasp. Luckily his reflex's were sharp because the Jedi Knight was able to spin around just in time to catch the Holocron in his hand. The source of the Force Pull, of course has come from Vader. "No!" He yelled, trying desperately to pull against Vader's Dark Side of the Force. All the while trying to make sure he doesn't lose his grip on Ezra too. But then in a flash the pull was gone. And Kanan stumbled backwards But was able to right himself yet again despite how hard he had been pulling. His gaze fell on Ahsoka, who had stopped Vader's force-pull causing them both to fall to the ground, and was now struggling to stand.

"Ahsoka, hurry! Let's go!" He yelled, the electrical discharge had sky rocketed since the Holocron had been removed, this place was time bomb, and they needed to leave now. He turned around and ran towards the Phantom. Gently, he placed Ezra down against the metal wall of the ship and felt a pull, a light ringing in his ear that made him look to his left. There was Ahsoka and Vader, standing in front of one another, as the wind blared around them. Among the all the chaos happening around him, Kanan somehow was able to make out what Ahsoka was saying.

"I won't leave you! _Not_ this time."

What in all the stars is she _doing_?

Vader, his mask damaged from Ahsoka's saber, looked to be pondering something as she spoke those words. "Then you will die." He spoke as he ignited his lightsaber.

 _Oh no she won't._ He thought firmly to himself. He watched his Master die right in front of him, he _wasn't_ going to stand by and let it happen to his friend. Running forward, Kanan stretched his hands out and called upon the Force, locking onto Ahsoka's signature, only to be propelled onto his back. She smiled at him, it was filled with so many emotions but ones that rang the most true; _acceptance_ and _peace_. "Ahsoka!"

Her battling Vader was the last thing he saw before the Temple doors closed

And that feeling was back again, the same feeling he had when he lost Billaba, the same feeling when he thought he had lost Ezra back on General Tarkin's ship. And even though, he had only known Ahsoka a short while, he felt comfortable in her presence, a fellow Jedi of the Order, a comrade, a friend, someone that knew to an extent how he felt about himself.

Closing his eyes, he recited a prayer the Master Billaba had taught him in the first week he had him, that whenever a Jedi had passed on and became one with the Force as a way to honor their memory, getting up off the ground and sprinted to the Phantom. "Chopper, go!" He urgently ordered the droid. And with that, the Phantom flew off into the sky, out into the surface of Malachor. Kanan was unable to look away as he watched the Sith Temple exploded.

Can't believe they all made it out of that. With a relieved sigh as he moved over to his Padawan, swiftly grabbing a med kit on his way over. Kneeling down, he reached out his hand, gently cupping Ezra's cheek, moving it upright—

_No..._

Oh stars, **_no_**.

The bottom of Kanan's stomach dropped, his heart ceased beating, his entire body went cold and numb as he stared at Ezra's injury caused by Maul's lightsaber. Not only was the wound severe, a single slash mark that went at a slight angle, and since a saber was hotter then an open flame the burn was most likely third degree. Already it was starting to bubble and puss from the time it was left untreated, infected no less. But that's not what got to Kanan, that's not what left him speechless and feeling like someone had just yanked on his ankles, pulling him into this deep, dark abyss filled that left him shattered. Because the moment Ezra was injured, Kanan knew the wound was going to be bad, he had expected it, it was done by a lightsaber, those wounds are always worse then others. What he didn't expect, what he couldn't comprehend, what he **denied** with every fiber of his being, was _where_ the wound was.

Going from the middle of his right eyebrow to the tip of his left cheek bone.

Right over Ezra's eyes.

Looking at the wound, seeing where it was made Kanan physically nauseous. Because even if he held onto hope, even if he wished and prayed for some miracle that the would merely looked bad but wasn't, even if he denied it until he was blue in the face, logically there was _no way_ Ezra's vision had stayed intact, not by a lightsaber. Which meant that Ezra couldn't see, that he was blind.

Bile rose to his throat, turning to his side, Kanan emptied the contents of his stomach onto the floor.

"Ka...n..."

At the sound of the hushed whisper, the Jedi Knight looked to see that Ezra was stirring, but not enough to comprehend anything, or probably remember the next time he woke up.

"Shhh," He soothed hoarsely, wiping the bile with the back of his hand while he used the other to brush back the sweaty pieces of Ezra's bangs and stopped at his cheek, cupping the boy's cheek. "I'm right here."

"Dad...dy.."

His heart skipped a beat at the title. "Yes?"

Kanan watched in horror as Ezra tried to _open_ his eyes, to try and look at him. But he was struggling because the wound over the boy's eyes was now crusted shut from the burnt flesh and bubbling puss. "Hey, hey." His voice was above a whisper as he cupped Ezra's face, gently. "Don't do that." Ezra, even in such a heavy state of incoherence. He looked to be upset for the fact that he couldn't open his eyes.

"Can't...see... _dad_..."

His very soul shattered with those three simple words. Tears welled in his eyes and cascaded down his face.

This was all his fault

If only he had reacted to Maul's attack quicker, if only he had ran towards Ezra instead of freezing up, if only he had done something. Something to prevent this from happening. If he could, he would trade places with Ezra in a heart beat, because that was his job to keep his Padawan out of harm's way as his guardian, as his father. But he failed. He failed so horribly, so horrendously. And now Ezra was blind because of his failure. Just like Depa dying was also his failure. In the end, the ones he loved always did end up getting hurt, or worse.

What had he been thinking about bringing a kid into a fucking _war_ against the Empire?

Gently, he pulled Ezra into an embrace filled with grief, pain and guilt. He sobbed into the boy's neck and clung to him like he was drowning man and this child was the only thing keeping him from going under. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

And Ezra, _bless him_ tried to comfort _**him**_ , even as he started to fall unconscious again. Kanan could feel Ezra's signature lightly brush their bond, it was as soft as a feather and hardly there but he felt it for a split second and in that second he felt the love Ezra had for him, the trust and comfort. And _god_ , if that knowledge didn't break him all over again.

As fresh new tears spilled down his cheeks, Kanan remained like that, holding his boy close to his chest until Chopper suggested that they needed to disinfect and bandage Ezra's wound until the proper droids could treat him back on Atollon. Doing so had been a **_process_ ** for Kanan, it killed him seeing Ezra wince and cry out in delirious agony. But by the time he was finished they had arrived back on Atollon. The look on Hera's face as he came out of the Phantom holding Ezra, also stabbed at his already broken heart. The expression on Rex's face when he realized Ahsoka wasn't there, the way it twisted into grief when Kanan confirmed silently what the Clone already determined, was added onto his guilt.

The Jedi Knight watched as the medical droids took Ezra from he's arms and into the medical bay, he watched as Ezra stirred yet again, his hand outstretched, reaching for him, trying to find him, the look on his face, the lost and scared look as he was being taken. But instead of going towards him, and grasping his hand, Kanan turned around, walking out.

Seeing what his son was now reduced too, he _couldn_ 't stand it, the guilt just merely looking at the bandages alone hurt, knowing what lied behind them. Ezra didn't deserve someone so broken, that was such a failure, such a danger to those he cared about. He didn't have the right to comfort Ezra, he didn't have the right to train him, to even be his Master, to be his father.

So he wouldn't, the only way to keep him safe was to stay away.

Even if it killed him on the inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ohhhh boy, I have to tell you guys that when I went into Kanan's chapter, i knew it was going to be longer then Ezra (I've noticed that they always are) but I didn't expect it to be this long, geez. But it is done and i am very happy with how this turned out.
> 
> I'll be honest with you guys. I debated a lot with myself on if I should have kept Ahsoka alive and for a while i almost did, I actually had written paragraph or so with the stand off with Vader and Ahsoka the same as you see above, but Kanan actually succeeding in saving her. But I ultimately ended up removing that bit because I thought that would have been a huge thing to change. And entire thing is having the smallest changes having a different outcome, but not so much that everything in that event changes.
> 
> So yes, Ezra is blind now but Kanan isn't. Vader was the one who activated the Sith Temple, wanting to know it's secrets, not Maul. But Ahsoka still dies.
> 
> What changes and what stays the same, eh?
> 
> Anywoo, thoughts? They only cost a penny! Please leave them in a comment and I'll see you all next time!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies for the long wait, everyone. I had some family stuff going on these past two weeks that kept me away from my computer. 
> 
> But I'm finally getting back into writing this story.

Ezra was in a meditation position when he heard footsteps coming towards the door of his room. He steadied himself, knowing by the light and hesitant steps that it was Hera. Because Hera, no matter what time of day it was, she always made sure to come check on him, to make sure he was faring alright. Heck, they all did. Sabine, Rex, Zeb, _Chopper_. Even Commander Sato, would ask him how he was doing when ever they would meet during meetings or when they passed by one another. They all made an effort to spend more time with him, the only one that wasn't— Ezra shook his head and breathed, it's their way of trying to make things better, but it was also to curb their own guilt for what happened on Malachor. Thinking to themselves, if they had been there, they could have stopped a lot of things.

Namely, his blindness.

Ezra remembered when he first woke up after Malachor, he remembered feeling groggy, he recalled the dull pain behind his eyes, upon opening found only darkness and for a moment Ezra forgot what happened, forgot exactly why he _couldn't see_ and then proceeded to panic, near hysteria, a loud beeping sounded out, and his family came rushing to his side, trying to calm him down. A split second later he remembered; recalled why he couldn't see, why he would never see again. And for some odd reason that calmed him down, gave him some strange amount of peace.

But that still didn't mean everything wasn't a challenge for him. Learning how to navigate without his vision was _harder_ then he realized.

Because he doesn't know _where_ to put his foot when walking, didn't know **what** was in front of him and what wasn't and most of the time he ended up falling to his knees or on his face when he missed a step on the stairs or something sticking out of the ground had tripped him. No, it wasn't easy, it was very _very_ , frustrating and overwhelming.

"Ezra?"

"Yeah?" His voice calm as he breathed in slowly.

"Commander Sato's ready to give the briefing." Hera said, her voice steady but alerted. Ezra noticed that was the same tone of voice they all used around him. It was as if they no longer were able to act around him the same way, just because he was blind didn't mean he had changed, he was still the same old short-tempered Ezra. "Will you be joining us?"

Ezra uncrossed his legs and stood up. "I haven't gotten clearance to go on any missions yet."

If Ezra could see Hera's face, he imagined her expression would be sad. "Maybe not, but that still doesn't mean that we couldn't use your input, your thoughts on strategies. Your a smart kid, Ezra."

Ezra could feel her honesty and smiled at that. "Maybe, next time." He paused as his hand drifted to his eyes, and removed the mask Sabine made him upon his request and removed it, his fingers brushing over the scar there, the missing missing pieces of his eyebrow and eyelashes that will never grow back. "I've been having these— headaches lately." A hand fell on his shoulder.

"Do you need to go to the med bay again?"

Ezra sighed, considering it. "Maybe? But it I think it might be caused by this buzzing noise." He trailed off, trying to find the right words. "The Force, I think is guiding me."

Hera suddenly gave his shoulder a squeeze but there again was the hesitation. "Do you want me to ask—?"

Ezra jerked away from her touch, knowing exactly who she was referring to. "No, I haven't come a crossed or even _talked_ to him in 6 months, if he hasn't been here this whole time, he isn't going to now just because I have a question about the Force."

Having to basically relearn everything without his sight, was **_very_ ** challenging. And it only increased ten fold when Kanan just _wasn't_ around anymore. He hadn't left Atollon, Ezra would have felt it if he had... it was as if Kanan had just abruptly become antisocial, with no warning or anything. And it wasn't like Ezra could simply find him and ask him what was wrong. He was never able to find him, not just because he couldn't see but whenever he tried to physically look for his Master, whenever he asked others where Kanan was, and they would inform him _Kanan was here or there_ , he wouldn't be by the time Ezra arrived.

Trying to reach out to Kanan through the Force was also a no-go, because Kanan had built a ten foot wall around his half. Completely blocking Ezra from reading his thoughts and feeling his emotions, but most of all Ezra was blocked from their Master and Padawan bond, the very thing that made them closer then they ever thought possible. And to say that simply hurt, would have been an understatement. Because it ached, it stung Ezra more then he could ever describe.

"Are you going to ask Chirrut about it?"

When everyone had been informed of what happened on Malachor or more specifically, Commander Sato. The man immediately started contacting Rebel cells to see if they might be able to help. And while there was no way to restore his vision, one of his contacts, General Dodonna was able to get in touch with the Rouge One cell asking if they would be willing to send Chirrut Îmwe their way, the man who was has been blind for years. Who was Force-Sensitive but was never a Jedi, to see if he could offer his assistance, in making navigating his surroundings better for Ezra.

"Maybe."

In these last couple months Îmwe had trained Ezra, not only how to navigate around but to also to fight without seeing, to try and make the best out of this new found situation. The first few days they met was a little awkward. Ezra didn't know what to say to this new person —that was temporarily going to help him with his new disability until he could do so on his own— without it sounding insulting. So he didn't say anything.

On the third day, however, Îmwe addressed his silence.

 _"You don't have to be so quiet with me, Mr. Bridger. I can feel your uneasiness, but I have been blind since I was born, therefore I'm far too old to be offended to your questions or your own feelings about what has happened to you."_ Îmwe explained to him, calmly.

 _"It's just that..."_ Ezra said, but paused for the right words. _"I don't regret making this choice... I've always had my vision and now that I don't— I feel like I don't know how to handle anything anymore." Ezra spoke out, his voice trailing off a bit before continuing. "But that's not the worst of it, the fact that he isn't here for me, makes me wonder what did I **do** to make him—"_

A hand fell to his shoulder, _"How you are feeling, is completely normal. Losing apart of yourself is never easy, and while I can't imagine your feelings about losing your vision compared to someone who's never had it. I can promise you that it and everything else does get better, Mr. Bridger."_ As Îmwe's gentle voice washed over him, Ezra tried very hard not to lean into that touch, but it was so comforting and calming, it remained him of...

Inhaling a deep breathe, Ezra nodded, a small smile on his face. _"Ezra, call me Ezra."_

Within the Force, he felt Îmwe smile. _"And you may call me, Chirrut."_

After that, his training with Chirrut went rather smoothly. Chirrut taught him that just because he lost one of his sense that didn't mean he was useless, or that he couldn't fight, because his others senses had been heightened. He told him to _listen_ to the things around him, fully and openly. Their mediation sessions in the beginning, were more about connecting with the sounds around him instead of connecting with the world, like he had been doing when he had his sight.

Six months seemed to pass by so quickly.

But even with all the training and progress he's gone through, Ezra still wasn't confident in himself, sure he used the techniques that Chirrut taught him. He listened, he felt, and sensed. He focused on everything. But still he wasn't ready, he was scared. Scared to be left alone in this darkness yet again.

"Well," Hera stated as they both made their way out of Ezra's room. "I do hope you come to get briefing, if you get the chance." Ezra could feel the sadness in her voice, the disappointment and Ezra had to swallow a lump in his throat because there he went _again_ disappointing the ones he cared about.

"Right." Was all that Ezra could say as he started making his way outside and towards the area he knew Chirrut would be. Keeping his hand out in front of him, he focused. Focused on the sounds around him and felt the vibrations within the ground underneath his feet.

_Listen._

_Feel._

Ezra let out a small breathe when he was able to get to his location, only stumbling a few less times then he had before.

"Training isn't until tomorrow, Ezra." Chirrut's voice carried over the breeze that blew through his hair.

Ezra nodded his head, "I-I know, it's just that..." He trailed off, how exactly was he suppose to word this? In all of his questions towards Chirrut he only ever asked about the Force once, and it was towards his condition.

Then they moved on to movement, Chirrut said that he could sense people and other living things locations by the vibrations in the ground. That if he concentrated hard enough he would be able to feel someone a few miles away. _"So do you use the Force at all when fighting?"_ Ezra had asked him once during training.

 _"I have on various occasions."_ Chirrut answered, as he adjusted Ezra's elbows to hold his training Bo staff just right, so it didn't hit him in the face.

_"Does it make it easier for you? Like do you ever use it to get around?"_

Ezra could sense Chirrut's sympathy, his complete understanding. _"Doing so can cause excessive exhaustion, the more you use it. Think of the Force as a tool you use only when you need to, I know that you have been having feelings of doubt and sadness as of late, and I know exactly what that feels like."_ A hand fell on Ezra's shoulder, it steadied him, grounded him to reality, showing him that he wasn't alone. _But you must realize that doing so will only exhaust your body. You have the strength to do this on your own, right now it may not seem like it **but you do**. You just have to trust yourself."_

Nodding to himself, Ezra spoke. _"I understand."_

But this was different, this question was **_about_ ** the Force itself, not in using it. Usually his questions about the Force, were always directed too— Ezra heard shifting in front of him, as though someone was standing up. A few seconds later, he felt a hand land on the top of his head. "Something on your mind, Ezra?"

"I just— I have been having these headache lately." He explained slowly, "And I think it might have something to do with the Force, like it's guiding me somewhere, a voice more so."

"Ah yes, I have also heard this voice."

 _That_ was news to Ezra, he hadn't realized Chirrut was hearing it too. Maybe it was because they were both blind? Could that be the reason? "Really? What do you think it means?"

"I believe that the Force, or a **being** that has a strong connection to the Forceis guiding you, Ezra, trying to tell you something. You should listen to it." Once again, Ezra felt a pang in his heart because— that was something _he_ use to say. "But you must do so without me."

"What, why? You said that it was guiding us somewhere—"

"I stated it was guiding _you_ , not us."

Panic lurched in Ezra's soul, for he knew he wasn't going to be able to do this on his own. "But master—"

A chuckle interrupted him, a gentle pat on the head. "I am not your master, Ezra."

"But you've been teaching me this entire time—"

"Exactly, teaching. There is a difference between teaching someone and being their Master." Chirrut's calm voice interrupted him once again. "I am here to teach how to live with your blindness, teach you how to move about our surroundings with confidence, I am here to _help_ you move on, to help you _**fight**_. To show you that just because you are blind doesn't make you useless. A guide, a _friend_ that understands you, that won't show you pity, but _sympathy_. You, Ezra; already have a master, but it is not me."

"But you've been around more then he has!" Ezra's voice rose an octave, his heart aching. "I haven't spoken to him in months, but you— you've been here, teaching me and supporting me like he use too." He felt like he was being abandoned all over again, and _dammit_ , it never ceased to hurt him. "Please, Chirrut, I can't do this on my own, I need help—"

" _Breathe_ , Ezra. Be calm, it'll be alright." Chirrut soothed quietly. "When you go to find this voice, you will not be alone. For the voice that spoke to me informed me that you must bring your master, in order for you to get the answers you seek, you must bring **_Kanan_**."

Ezra flinched, bowing his head. "Why?"

"This is a journey the two of you must take together, perhaps in doing so, it will heal your bond."

Ezra's head began to hurt again, but this time it wasn't the Force's doing. Sitting down on the ground, he put his head in his hands. "How? He blocked our bond, and every time I try to find him, he's always gone by the time I get there."

"That is because Kanan has blocked _you_ from sensing him, from feeling his emotions. But that doesn't mean **_he_ ** can't sense where _you_ are or your emotions."

"Why would he do that?" He asked, silently fearing what the answer might be.

Ezra jumped only slightly, when he felt a gentle finger tap the mask Sabine had made him that hide the scar that was left by Maul's lightsaber. Where the wound had already mended but still stung thinking about that day. "Because even if you don't feel it, he is hurting just as much as you are."

A hushed breathe, a gasp escaped his lips with those words, he bowed his head even further. "Can you— Can you talk to him for me?"

Ezra heard a small chuckle come from Chirrut. "I already have."

Then realization hit him like a punch to the stomach. Because it was then that seventeen year old sensed a presence he hadn't noticed before.

"Ezra."

His heart did a somersault and proceeded to drop into his stomach.

 _Joy_ and _fear_.

 _Horror_ and _happiness_ consumed his entire being as he realized who that was.

"K-Kanan..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ohhhh boy, for some reason this one was touch hard for me to write, and honestly, I'm not particularly happy with out it turned out but it's here nonetheless. I think it may have been because of Chirrut. Not only was it a little hard writing a conversation between two blind people but I haven't actually gotten a chance to watch Rouge One, to be honest so I apologize if he seems a little OOC to anyone but I did my best. 
> 
> Oh yeah, Chirrut is here! XD
> 
> It's funny, really. When I was writing for Kanan's chapter, the reason why I was debating with myself to keep Ahsoka alive was because if I did then she could introduce Ezra to Chirrut, seeing as she is Fulcrum and a member of the Rebels so I am going to assume she knows Chirrut/had heard of him/has connections to see if there was anyone in their Resistance that's like Ezra. But I ultimately decided against that, because I didn't want that to just be her only role in this and never do anything with her again. So that idea went to Sato instead. 
> 
> Anywoo, thoughts? Please leave them in a comment, they are always greatly appreciated and I'll see you all next time!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so after taking a few days to grieve over the loss of our Space Cowboy I am ready to finally get back into writing this story. Funnily enough, before the episodes aired I was thinking about writing the next chapter, but once I saw "Jedi Night" and "Dume", i just... couldn't. Not after witnessing all of that, knowing that Kanan in this AU is still alive and that this chapter was going to be in his POV, I just felt sort of empty.

To say that Kanan was; for lack of a better word, avoiding everyone was a bit of an extreme. He wasn't avoiding everyone, he _wanted_ to of course, nothing would make him more relaxed then staying as far away from everyone as possible, considering it was for everyone's own good and benefit, but low and behold his luck wasn't going to give him that luxury, like every else. There were certain things— certain _people_ he couldn't just avoid; people such as Commander Sato, and he definitely couldn't avoid Hera, the strangest thing was that no matter where Kanan was, she always seem to be able to find him. The same thing could be said about Rex and Zeb as well. During the last six months he also wasn't able to get out of doing missions.

They weren't full scale attacks on the Empire, just simple recon missions and power supply runs for the other Rebels cells. Kanan was grateful because while he did have a team to lead most often during those heists, missions gave him a great excuse to not have to come a crossed— He wasn't doing them every day, actually they were few and far in between, much to his dismay. So the rest of the time Kanan spent his time in the outskirts of Chopper Base, quietly meditating, or attempting to at least. He noticed early on after Malachor, he wasn't able to mediate as successfully as he had in the past.

But still anything was better then having to face— Kanan shook his head and tried once again to lose himself within the Force. But like always, his thoughts drifted back to _that_ day. The day everything changed, the day where his guilt from then on was slowly eating away at his heart and soul.

The day he failed the most important person in his life.

_No_

_Breathe, let go._

But that was the problem, he couldn't, _wouldn't_.

_I see you._

Kanan squeezed eyes tightly shut, and tried his best to once again, ignore the voice that had been calling out to him for months now. It had started a few days after Malachor, this low and commanding voice telling him, beckoning to find it, to seek it out. But honestly, the last thing Kanan wanted to do was get involved in something that was Force related.

_Come to me._

_I can't._ He thought to himself, to the voice in his head.

_I sense your conflict. You must come._

"I have also been finding it hard to mediate lately as well, with that voice in my ears." A voice abruptly spoke out, causing Kanan to jump only slightly as he was pulled out his semi-meditative state. Turning his head, he saw that it was a man that was carrying a bo staff. But what immediately caught Kanan's attention were his eyes, they were the same milky white as— the only difference was that there was no scar along his eyes.

"You are...?" Kanan began, leaving room for this new comer to introduce himself.

"Forgive me, my name is Chirrut Îmwe, I am the help Commander Sato called in as assistance." Ah that's right, Kanan recalled Hera mentioning that Sato had made calls to other Rebel cells into order to help— with the consequences that happened after Malachor. A man was also blind and Force-Sensitive.

Standing up, he made his way over to the man and outstretched his hand. "Jarrus. Kanan Jarrus." He politely said only seconds realizing at what he had done wrong, this man couldn't see, so therefore he couldn't see his hand in order to shake it. But before he could retract his hand, Chirrut surprised him by lifting his hand and successfully shaking it. "Uhhh." Was all he could say, that simple action left him dumbfounded, but Chirrut didn't seemed at all bothered by it. "I'm sorry it's taken so long for us to properly met."

Chirrut let go of his hand and waved off his apology with a small smile. "No apology needed, Mr. Jarrus. I was briefed by Ms. Syndulla at the context of your distance."

Kanan winced visibly, his eyes focusing on the ground. "Yes, it's been— _**hard**_ these past few months, everything is difficult and I can't seem to find balance like I use too."

"Because of Ezra?"

A flinched, his shoulders tensed up and his finger nails dug into his palms. " _Yes_." Was all he could muster before Kanan had to clear away to sudden lump in his throat at the mention of him.

"Yes, Ms. Syndulla also said as much. She is concern for both you and the boy."

"How—" He let out a shuddered breathe, since they were on the topic of him, then Kanan might as well ask the once question, he'd been wondering but too scared and ashamed to ask for the past six months. "How is he?"

He watched as Chirrut smiled and proceeded to sit down cross legged, placing his bo staff at his side. "I thought you might as that," Was his only replay before he gestured with his hand for Kanan to join him.

He did.

"When I first meet Ezra, it was very awkward. The boy closed himself off, half of the time he wouldn't speak unless I started the conversation and even then they were short, and simply answers before he would go back to silence. But once I addressed his silence and made him confront his emotions, we were able to get past that awkward stage and now he is progressing tremendously. He is more then capable of living with this disability on his own, though he still doubts his own confidence. From someone so young, he certainly is a fast learner."

Despite himself, Kanan smiled, proudly. "He's always been that way."

"Though, I have noticed that Ezra has been dealing with something that, has caught my attention.

"What is it?" Immediately, his parental instinct kicked in even after all these months apart from him. "Is he alright?"

Chirrut held up his hand to simultaneously calm Kanan down and keep him from standing up. "It is nothing a cause for concern. But ever since I came here I have noticed that I have been in contact with this voice coming from the Force, or perhaps a being within the Force. And from what I can sense from Ezra, he has also been hearing this voice."

On the subject of the voice that Chirrut mentioned earlier, Kanan chewed on the inside of his cheek. He knew he was hearing the voice, he knew that it had to be something or someone connected strongly in the Force or possibly a part of it. But he thought that he was the only one, considering all the voice talked about was Kanan's own conflict.

A hand fell on his shoulder, causing him to look up and was met with Chirrut's kind smile. "And from what I felt when I arrived here, you have also been hearing this voice, yes?"

Kanan nodded his head, then realized Chirrut couldn't see it, so instead he spoke. "Yeah, it's been talking to me for the past couple months, trying to get me to follow it."

"I see, and why haven't you?"

Kanan inhaled a deep breathe, and exhaled it. "I've got too much rolling around inside my head, i can't think straight with all that's happened to be following whispering voices telling me to follow it."

"And what about Ezra?"

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Kanan brushed off Chirrut's hand. "What about him?"

Then Chirrut did something that made Kanan freeze. His milky white eyes, looked straight at him, they seemed to pierce his soul with the calmness of their gaze. "Though Ezra hasn't said anything, I am able to tell that the voice that has been trying to commune with him as been causing severe headaches for him, he is too young, and right now too self doubting right now, to have such a strong being in the Force trying to speak within his thoughts. It's like taking a child out into a crowd when it's never been before, it's overwhelming and sometimes can have negative affects." Kanan watched as Chirrut's hand grasped his bo staff and stood up. "The voice has communed with me and has said that the boy needs to follow it, but to not go alone. And it must be you, Mr. Jarrus, that must accompany him."

"What, why not?"

"Because the voice has specifically asked for Ezra's master. Of which I am not."

The thought of meeting with him, of facing the kid after all this time apart, after all this time of keeping the boy at a safe distance and blocking his side of their bond away. Kanan couldn't face him, the guilt alone would probably kill more so then it already was. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?"

Kanan sharply suck in air through his teeth. "Both, I guess."

"And why's that?"

"I—" He began, only to faulted and fall silent. "Facing him after all this time, I don't think I could handle it, the pain is too much already on my own; besides that I need to to stay away from him. For his own protection."

"The boy is miserable without you, on the occasions I have passed by his room to check on him he has cried himself to sleep, thinking of you. At one point he thought I was you and proceeded to apologize to me about what the two of you went through back on Malachor. Surely, you feel his pain?"

Kanan bit his lip, just hard enough to draw a small stream of blood to run down his chin, each word from Chirrut went a white hot blade into his already wounded heart. Because Chirrut was correct, he could feel Ezra's pain, each night he had to fight himself, fight the urge to go to his Padawan, and console him like he's done in the past, because this was the better option. Because in all honesty, every time it happened, every single damn time Kanan felt Ezra's sadness, his pain, it killed him on the inside, sliced agonizingly slow at his skin and bones. "Yes, I can feel him, even though I've blocked my side of our bond, I can still hear his thoughts, feel his emotions." Then abruptly Kanan felt his legs being swiped underneath him, in that split second he couldn't react fast enough to catch himself from falling on his backside. He looked up dazedly to Chirrut who was now standing over him, his bo staff at his side.

"So you know he is hurting and yet, you keep your distance even though it's physically and mentally harming you both?" The blind man spoke calmly as he walked around Kanan, "I was never conducted into the Jedi Order, never have I been a Knight nor even a Padawan. So I must ask, are all Jedi so damn stubborn?" Chirrut inquired as he promptly smacked Kanan on the back of the head.

"You don't _understand_!" Kanan snapped, rubbing the back on his head as he shot up like a top. "I'm the reason he's like this. He's blindness—" Kanan stopped his heart heavy in his chest. "Is _my_ fault, he took the blow that was meant for me and now he's eyes are gone! I am nothing but a danger to him because no matter what I do the people I care about always end up getting hurt or worse. My Master, and— I _**failed**_ them, I failed both of them." Even though, Kanan hadn't done anything, he found himself panting, slumping his shoulder, he looked at his hands and felt such shame. " I..I love him far too much— I won't—I _refuse_ to the let Ezra get hurt more then he already has."

Chirrut hit him again, this time on the shoulder. "Whenever he asked about you to others he wants to know where you are, to know if you are doing alright. And on multiple occasions, he has said to me that the choice he made, though it's hard to live with, he does not regret. You're Master made a choice and told you to run, you made the choice to listen to her." Kanan couldn't help but flinch, bowing his head. "The boy choice to save you out of the goodness of his heart. If you trusted him as much as your master trusted you, shouldn't he get to a say in the option your deciding?"

For once, Kanan had nothing to say to that.

"Are you so consumed by your own guilt, Mr. Jarrus, that you don't know what doing this is doing to the pair of you?" Another smack, this time on the upper arm, Kanan couldn't understand why he was sitting here on the ground and letting himself be hit by a man that was accusing him of doing what was best for his Padawan.

But yet here he was.

"A bond between master and Padawan is a sacred thing, it's a deep connection both mentally and physically. Yours with the boy goes beyond that, for you and Ezra have a bond formed by the Force itself, which is a rare find." Kanan honestly never made that connection. Sure, he was taught about Force-Linked bonds from Master Yoda and he even inquired more information from Master Kenobi, to which the man simply stated the closest bond that remotely resembled a Force-Link that he himself had witnessed was Skywalker's with Ahsoka, and they had been assigned to each other. So his knowledge of Force-Link bonds was scare and never truly understood, so it never occurred to Kanan that the bond the two of _them_ shared was one made by the Force, that certainly explained why he deeply just cared so much more compared to when he had witnessed other Jedi Master's with Padawans that were assigned to them.

And that also explained why his bond with his own master was so strong that when she died, it felt like he had died along with her, or at least a piece of himself. "And right now, your bond is broken and the Force is desperately trying to put it back together, what you are doing, what you have been doing, it can't, and it is only making things worse. Because the after affect it will have on you will leave you feeling empty but the boy however will no longer be able to function for it will be as though some amputated part of his heart."

Kanan, for the first time in his life, was at a loss for words. He didn't know how to process this new information, so Chirrut kept going. "From what I can tell your own well being is of no concern to you, as much is everyone that has the same amount of stubbornness and self sacrifice. But are you willing to simply stand there and watch it break your _son_ beyond repair?"

Chirrut's emphasizes on the word son, seemed to stab Kanan right in the heart, it was like a jolt of shock, and he cringed. The thought that his distance was making everything so much worse for him, it was gut wrenching, because that is the last thing Kanan wanted was to cause Ezra more pain and suffering. If this was the only way to make the pain go away then Kanan will endure, he will accept. "No, _never_. I choose this because I thought it was for the best, I couldn't stand the thought of him— but if he's hurting because of our broken link and my distance then I'll do whatever I can to fix it."

"Will you accompany him and follow this being's voice of the Force?"

Kanan nodded once, "Yes." He concluded, standing up and dusting off the dirt on his clothes. I'll ask Hera to send him our way."

"No need, Mr. Jarrus. If you focus carefully you'll be able to sense Ezra already making his way over to where I am currently at, and from I can feel, he has a question to ask me, one that I feel is about his headaches and the voice." Immediately, Kanan's heart skipped a beat, it almost stopped at the sheer amount of fear that shoot through him, the fear putting ice into his veins. This wasn't how Kanan wanted his very first meeting with him to go, he wasn't prepared, he was _ready—_ "The question being, this time; are you going to run like your Master told you too, or are you going to stay for your Padawan?"

He gasped out loud at that comment. But they resonated with him and seemed to calm down his racing heart, if only slightly. So he stood there and waited. Kanan was nearly blown away by the appearance of his Padawan. No longer did the boy have his long hair, it was cut ridiculously too short, his outfit has also gone through a change, but it still sported orange, his favorite color. What got Kanan's attention the moment he laid his eyes on him, was the mask the kid wore above the upper part of his face. Orange just like his outfit but the designs were so fluid that they must have been Sabine's handiwork. The mask covering the eyes that Maul burned out with his lightsaber.

_How have you gotten so big when it's only been six months?_

Seventeen years old and yet the kid's appearance made him look to be in his twenties.

He watched and listened as Chirrut had a calm conversation, completely ignoring Kanan as if he had no idea he was there and that was probably true, seeing as Kanan is still blocking their bond out of sheer habit. And when the blind man was able to convince his Padawan to agree with the terms of going with Kanan instead of himself and announced his presences. Kanan took a few steps forward, "Ezra." His throat closing, making it hard for him to speak, the name itself was making Kanan emotional.

God, he missed him.

Watching Ezra, looked so shocked to hear him made Kanan's heart break all the more. "K-Kanan."

He hoped he wasn't going to regret doing this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter in the beginning was a little hard for me to write. Writing in Kanan's POV after watching the premiere episodes on Monday made me have to pause several times and rethink the chapter. But I eventually got into the flow of writing for him again. I know that this chapter was basically had the same ending as the last one but I felt like I needed to show exactly how Chirrut was able to get Kanan to agree to go anywhere with Ezra, considering he's been MIA for the past six months like in OG canon.
> 
> Which consisted of gentle talks, and whacks with his bo staff. Kind of like what Rafiki did with Simba in The Lion King. But just because Kanan agreed doesn't mean he's 100% okay with any of this. Kanan is still running away from his problems, his guilt, his fear.
> 
> Anywoo, a penny for your thoughts? Please them in a comment, they are always appreciated and I'll see you guys soon!


	5. Chapter 5

One would think that after six months of separation with the one man he's been dying to get in contact with, that things were just going to be exactly as they were. But they weren't, because whereas before whenever he was with Kanan the two of them always talked. They were always bonding and _connecting_ with smiles on their faces, with light pats on the back and head on shoulders. But now, as they made their way towards the voice that had been calling the pair of them the last couple months, everything was silent. And it wasn't a comfortable silence, as it had been in the times before.

No, this one was awkward, it held tension, and it felt like Ezra was walking in a field of land mines. It was such a deafening silence combined with his heightened hearing, that it actually hurt Ezra's ears to listen too. It hurt physically and emotionally because this wasn't _**them**_.

Hell, it wasn't _Kanan_.

Kanan was a notorious chatterbox, even more so then Ezra. Whether, it was annoyed, sad, angry or being just plain flirty with Hera. Kanan _always_ had something to say, always had an opinion about something. But now he was painfully silent, and Ezra couldn't help but feel responsible for all of it.

They use to be so close and even though Ezra was standing right next to his Master, Kanan still felt a million miles away, just _right_ out of Ezra's reach.

"So, um... What did you talk to Chirrut about?" Ezra asked, hoping to break the silence between them. "When I talked to him, he said that he already had a conversation with you... what did he say?"

Silence

Ezra licked his chapped lips and kept on walking.

"He told me about Force Bonds."

Ezra hadn't honestly been expecting to answer, so much so that he actually jumped at the sound. "O-Oh, our bond?"

He listened to Kanan inhale a deep breathe, "Ours, Ahsoka's with her Masters. And other past Jedi's." Kanan fell silent once again and Ezra's heart sunk when he thought that that was going to be it, just more deafening quiet. Until Kanan continued on after a few more minutes. "He told me that our bond, was different then most other common Master and Apprentice bonds."

That peaked Ezra's curiosity. "How so?"

"Unlike previous Jedi's and Padawan's, our bond was forged by the Force. A Force-Linked bond, meaning that the Force itself brought us to each other and wanted us to meet. Making our bond that much more powerful and meaningful, in a way. Which is why you and I... _connected_ so fast when we first met."

Ezra couldn't help but feel pride in that, he had held his bond with Kanan in such high regard before, because he's never felt more loved and cared for in his entire time alive then when Kanan came into his life and gave him what Ezra had been lacking since he was seven years old; a family. Being tied to Kanan, being able to hear his thoughts and connect with him on a deeper level... it all meant so much to him. To know the Force had a handle in that made him smile. "Isn't that a good thing?"

Silence was his only reply. Ezra smiled and the warm feeling in his heart faded.

They both continued onward.

Twenty minutes later, after they carefully made their way down into some kind of crater, Kanan came to a complete stop. And at first Ezra didn't know why but then as he focused he felt the vibration under his feet, felt the Force leading him towards something, like a current of water. The air itself, while still dusty and the wind blowing it in different direction seem different as well, as if they were in the presence great power.

Where ever the two of them had been lead too, it was made clear that they had arrived at their destination. "This is the place." Kanan's voice came out as a whisper, seeming to echo Ezra's own confirmation. "Hello? Are you there? We can sense your presence." His Master called out, trying to get some type of response. Ezra closed his eyes behind his mask and reached a hand out, trying to get a full sense of this being. "Why is it that you've called us here?"

Then Ezra felt something move behind him, he listened as rocks seemed to fall from its body and hit the ground, how its very limbs seemed to crack and twist, as if it hasn't been using them in a long time, but mostly Ezra felt the ground vibrate, shook as the being placed it's feet on the stone floor underneath him. Whatever this thing was, it was very big and very intimidating.

Once the movement stopped, however, silenced reigned for a few seconds. "Hello." It said, this must have been the voice Chirrut had told him about, the very one that was causing his headaches from before. "Ah! I see, the man I had spoken with informed you of my call, good!" The voice boomed louder, causing Ezra's ears to slightly pop. "Your shared imbalance awoke me, from a deep slumber."

"Imbalance?" Ezra inquired, feeling more confused then he had before he and Kanan set off on this little journey together.

"Your conflict within each other is like a violent storm in this quiet world."

"You're a Force-Wielder." Kanan concluded, "But you're not a Jedi."

The creature laughed amusingly. "Wielder? Jedi and Sith wield the _Ashla_ and _Bogan_. The light and the dark. I'm the one in the middle. The _Bendu_." As Ezra listened to the Bendu's voice, it sounded as those the creature was not only huge but very old, like it had been around for centuries. "What do you call yourselves?"

"I am Kanan Jarrus, Jed—" Kanan trailed off and he heard the paused in his master's voice with that word Jedi Knight. As if Kanan didn't want to say it. "Just Kanan Jarrus."

Something changed in the Bendu's voice, something like acknowledgement. "I see, and you?" Suddenly, Ezra felt eyes on him and he knew for certain the the Bendu was looking at him.

"I'm Ezra Bridger."

"The pair of you conflict among yourselves, Kanan Jarrus and Ezra Bridger." The Bendu loud voiced echoed around the area once more and Ezra couldn't help but feel slightly intimidated from hearing his name from such a large and intelligent creature, even though he knew that the Bendu wasn't going to harm them, at least he hoped so. "Tell me the item, I requested, did you bring it?" Ah, right. Before they had left on their journey, Chirrut instructed that they carry with them the Sith Holocron, something that the voice... or Bendu had informed them to bring to him.

"Yes, I did as you instructed." Kanan said, hesitantly and Ezra could hear the whispers of the Holocron, as Kanan took it out of his pocket. "Tell me, why would you want such an evil object, something so dark that it changes people?"

"An object can not make you good or evil. The temptation of power, forbidden knowledge even the desire to do good can lead some down that path." Ezra carefully listened to those words, and there was a small part that doubted them, he's been around so much evil with Maul and Vader that how could anyone choose to go that path and was once a good person? "Only you can change yourself."

"Not always." Ezra murmured and was surprised when he heard Kanan say it in unison along side him. Ezra knew there were something Kanan didn't like about himself but to think he couldn't change? Had that been Ezra's fault too, like everything else?

" _Ahhh_! Your conflicts have become clear to me!" The Bendu's voice rose in recognition, and Ezra's ear pinged from the sensitivity of his heightened senses, but was glad that it wasn't as bad as before. "That device in the ground. Why do you have it?"

"It keeps the spiders from attacking us." Ezra answered as his hand drifted towards it, grasping it upon instinct.

"May I see it?" Reluctantly, Ezra let go of the thumper, and let the Bendu take it.

Not three seconds later, Ezra heard a loud _crack_! up above him and something clatter to the ground at his feet. "Hey!" Kanan exclaimed, Ezra felt his master kneel down. "Why did you do that!? It was the only thing protecting us from those creatures!"

Ezra could sense that the Bendu truly did believe that he was helping them, even though he basically signed their death warrant by breaking their thumper. "You believe that, but you must learn to see things differently now, _**both**_ of you must in order to move forward."

Yeah, that was going to be harder for at least _one_ of them. And that comment, struck a cord with Ezra. What the hell did this guy know about seeing these differently? "In case you didn't notice, I can't see anything!" Ezra's voice rose to a range he hasn't used since the hours spent on Malachor, beside him he sensed Kanan flinched ever so slightly.

"No. You are _unwilling_. Both of you are unwilling to see the cause and solutions to your own conflicts. " Bendu's voice stayed as calm as ever as Ezra sense the creatures eyes on him yet again. "Not only do you two posses conflict within your own hearts and souls but your very bond, the one that has made you Master and Apprentice, your Force-Link bond is at risk of shattering. In order to restore it, you must confront those conflicts or the consequences maybe severe."

"Chirrut told me about this." Kanan uttered thoughtfully. "What must we do?"

"Take the Holocron into the cave and place it within the far end of the cavern, do so **_without_ ** your lightsabers and once accomplished, your bond will be mended and your conflicts gone." Ezra's expression twisted into one of confusion. _That's it?_ He thought incredulously. just by leaving the Holocron in the some caves fill with spiders, their bond was just going to be magically fix, just like that? There had to be a catch, right? "Now, Kanan Jarrus and Ezra Bridger, go forward into the caves."

"I'm not sure this is such a good idea."

Despite the fact that the Bendu seemed nice, and was willing to help them, Ezra could help but agree with Kanan's statement as the two of them walked into the caves towards their right. And though he hasn't been inside these things since that day the Rebellion had first found Atollon, Ezra still remembered it, how cold and damp everything around them was, back then Ezra could have lightsaber to see but not only was that impossible now, for _obvious_ reason, but then Bendu had both of their sabers. "So all we're suppose to do is take the Holocron in the deepest part of the save, leave it there and go back outside?" Ezra asked as he reached his hand out so that didn't bump into anything, taking great care that he didn't trip over any roots or rocks sticking out of the ground. "How is that suppose to help us?"

Beside him, he heard Kanan let out a deep sighing breathe. "You're guess is as good as mine, kiddo." The word brought a small smile to his features. He hasn't heard that nickname in six months and damn did he miss that special term of endearment. Suddenly, Ezra had the urge to hear Kanan talk, it wasn't that he wanted to talk about anything specific, but it suddenly dawned on the young teen how long truly long it's been since he heard his Master's voice.

"Hey, Kanan?"

He felt the hesitation, split through past the wall Kanan built around their bond. "Yes? What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just... I was wondering how you've been, uh, like how are you?"

There again was that deafening silence but luckily it lasted shorted then last time

"As good as I can be."

Ezra nodded, his throat feeling dry and his heart feeling heavy. He hoped to all that was listening that this whole experience was worth it, he hoped that doing this was going to fix his relationship with Kanan because right now all this silence was making him feel worse. Ezra knew that Kanan had every right to be angry at him for whatever the reasons maybe for what happened on Malachor, Ezra blamed himself. But knowing that this is what they were reduced to, when before they had been so close, it was weighing painfully on Ezra's heart.

Then Kanan stopped so abruptly that Ezra accidentally rammed into Kanan so hard that he almost fell backward. "Kanan?" A low and tired sigh was his answer. If Ezra had his vision he would be able to see the exasperated look on his Master's face.

"Ezra..."

Without warning, Ezra felt the ground vibrate underneath his feet. There were several spiders moving towards them, from what he could tell there were maybe three to four squeezing through one cavern. "Kan—!" Suddenly the cavern ceiling exploded above them and Ezra barely had enough to dodge out of the way before the ceiling crumbled down around them in a heap of dirt and rocks curling his body to protective himself from the rubble. When the shaking stopped and everything was quiet once more, Ezra uncurled himself from his position. "Karabast..." He groaned using his hand to disperse the cloud of dust away from his nose and mouth. "Kanan?"

When there was no response, Ezra stood up quickly, his mind immediately thinking that something wasn't right. "Kanan!" He ran towards where the cave had collapsed, stretching his hand out and found a pile of rocks blocking the path where it had once been clear. " **Kanan**!" He called out loudly.

"Ezra?" He heard Kanan calling out his name from the other side of the rubble. "Ezra! Are you okay!?"

"I'm fin—" A loud screeching interrupted him, it was only when it was too late that Ezra sensed the spiders, right in front of him. One of them leaped forward, and Ezra let out a yelp rolling out of the way. In his panic, Ezra tripped and stumbled around the endless darkness. What was he suppose to do? How was suppose to defend himself without his lightsaber and the fact that he couldn't see. He was completely and uttering vulnerable and helpless, and he hated that feeling. Tears formed in his eyes, as he tried to take cover from the spiders. "Kanan!" He called out, because in his hardest of times, in the moments where life became too much, Kanan had always been there to help, to pull him back out of the abyss when everything was too overwhelming. He needed Kanan now. He couldn't do this on his own, not the way he was now. Not with this new disability. Look at him. He couldn't even run in a straight line without tripping.

"Kanan, help me!"

He didn't have the power to live in this life when he would no longer be able to see it's beauty. How could he have taken all those things for granted? What good was he when he couldn't see? Why had he taken that in for Kanan when it only back fired on him!? How _dare_ he abandon him, just like Tseebo and his parents had!

A gasp escaped him, it felt like someone stabbed him in the heart. How could he think something like that? If he hadn't went in front of Maul's attack, this would have been Kanan's fate or worse, he could have died if that saber had been at just the _right_ angle. This wasn't Kanan's fault, the choice had been his own. So then why did admitting that make him feel slightly better, why did he feel so broken and angry and hurt?

When all that happened at Malachor had been his fault in the first place. He honestly didn't understand why and to Ezra that was the worst part. Was he really that much of a selfish person that he blamed Kanan for something that wasn't his fault? The tears in his eyes spilled down his cheek, hot, thick and emotional. His body twisted forward as for the time since the in the last six months, Ezra's composure finally snapped like a twig.

And he _screamed_. It was _raw_ , painful, and it was blood curdling as it travel through deep within his soul and out through his mouth so fast that it made his body curl into himself.

It wasn't fair.

Chirrut was _wrong_ , he couldn't do this. He didn't have the strength to move on, he couldn't not when all he could see in this future was being a burden towards his family, useless to the Rebellion.

Among the swirling storm within his heart, Ezra was still able to hear the spiders making their way towards him. Chest aching, heart pounding, Ezra crawled away from the creatures unable to will himself stand. "N-No!" He cried out, pleading and begged for someone to help him as he back himself into a corner.

_Breathe, Ezra Bridger._

The voice startled him, for he recognized that voice. It was the Bendu, but before whenever he tried to talk to him. It had cause him nothing but various headaches.

_You must **see**. _

Ezra's breathe hitched in his throat at those words. "I **_can't_**! I can't see!"

_As I said before, you are unwilling too._

"How? The spiders are going to kill before I even get that chance!"

 _Be empty and look closer._ The Bendu instructed calmly. Those words made Ezra pause for a few seconds before he shakily reach out a hand and felt it come in contact with something solid, something that had life coursing through it. It was one of the spiders. "Why aren't they attacking me?"

_It is not in their nature._

To that Ezra couldn't help but let out a dry laugh, "Yeah well, it has been in my experience."

_Because you do not **see** them. Look closer. _

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, the fear. Ezra reached out into the Force and tried to connect with this creature. At first he felt nothing for the first few minutes, nothing but fog and static. Then suddenly, he sensed something. "I see... grief."

_In the spiders?_

Ezra shook his head. No, this grief wasn't coming from the spiders. "Kanan? Maybe?" Seconds after saying that Ezra shook his head once more, trying to think clearly. "No. it's not Kanan or the spiders. It's me. _Grief_ , _uselessness_ , _self loathing_ and _anger_. That is how they see me... That's how I see myself. All the flaws I hate about myself is why they've kept attacking me."

 _Ah! You're sight returns!_ Within his mind he heard Bendu laugh triumphantly. _Once you acknowledged your anger and let out the grief you held deep within your heart, once you faced your own conflict was the moment the spiders stopped being a threat to you._

Ezra lowered his head and closed his eyes. Feeling more awake then he has been in months. "I started hated myself more then I ever did, thinking that I would be a burden to everyone then an asset." Ezra swallowed the lump forming in his throat at his confession. "But is it really alright for me to feel this way? What happened back on Malachor, my blindness, it _was_ my choice. Is it really right for me to be so angry at Kanan when he has done nothing wrong? When his feelings are just as justified like mine are?"

_Feeling anger in the mist of a great loss is no more right or wrong then breathing. It is a natural reaction that every living thing possesses. Even if in the moment we don't regret our life choices because they were the right ones, the anger can form and blame others for their misgivings. You blaming your Master for abandoning you in the mist of your pain is no exception._

Something inside Ezra's chest felt lighter with those words, knowing that he wasn't a horrible person or wrong for feeling these emotions, gave him this huge amount of closure, this clarity that seemed to fill his heart. Still, though. He felt like he needed to defend Kanan. "But I don't hate Kanan, he's like my father. I love him."

 _You can love someone, love them very dearly and still feel resentment. It is a part of nature in all living things._ _Losing a sense does not make you any less a hindrance then a single star is in this vast galaxy. You're sight can not be healed but you are still connected to everything. But once you have felt all the grief and anger, once you have seen, you must stand tall and let it all **go**. Once you do that, you will never be truly blind. Ezra Bridger, Young Padawan._

Lowering his hand, Ezra nodded, laying his head back against the stone wall of the cave. Suddenly feeling at peace and very tired, the over exertion from all endurance he did trying to run away from his problems, the panic he had felt and his revelation had was finally catching up to him. "I understand. Thank you, Bendu." His voice was above a whisper as his eyes felt hazy and his mind was slowly losing the battle of sleep. "I just hope that Kanan can face his own demons and we can... heal our bond. Because I really miss my dad."

Within his mind, he heard the Bendu chuckle. _Have faith, Young One._

And Ezra; whom was still very _broken_ , still very emotionally _**scarred** _ and in a state of _grief_ but was on the verge to healing, actually was able to smile as he drifted off to sleep. Feeling hopeful in Bendu's words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i honestly have been debating with myself if I should have posted this update to my story before the series finale. I flipped flopped back and forth "Should I post it now before the finale airs in like 24 hours or should I wait a couple of days afterwards?" For 20 solid minutes, I debated with myself, but I ultimately have obviously decided to post it now. It's not my best or favorite chapter for me personally, but I am okay with it enough to post it. 
> 
> I know there are people who have already seen the finale so, until I do I have to stay off social media, mainly Tumblr. This chapter maybe over looked because everyone's excitement, and nervousness the finale.
> 
> But I hope you all enjoyed this chapter anyway, a penny for your thoughts in the comments are always appreciated. And I will see you guys very soon.


	6. Chapter 6

Kanan could tell that Ezra was trying to lessen the obvious tension that was currently standing between them. The kid wasn't being subtle about it, as he was constantly prying at the end of the barrier that Kanan spent months building to keep Ezra out, for his own safety or at least what he had thought had been for his safety. Every time that Ezra brushed up against their bond and was met with a wall, the boy would then back off feeling utterly defeated, to which Kanan could _feel_ on his end and that just made him hate himself that much more. Because this wasn't them.

Before they were always talking with each other, bonding, sometimes they didn't even train, just simply goofed around. It was only now that he was thinking about did he realize just how many times he was physically affectionate towards the kid, in the time they spent together. Even when those times were spent with Ezra in emotional tears because regardless of how mature the teen acted, he was still fifteen years old, still a kid and he had his limits to what he could and could not take. Kanan lost count at how many times he had to teach Ezra that he could always come to him for help.

 _"So what are we learning today, Kanan?"_ Ezra had asked rather loudly as he plopped down next to Kanan, who was already in his mediation position. By the sound of his voice, Kanan could tell that the kid was trying to act cheerful.

 _"Right now, we are going to mediate."_ Kanan stated, never opening his eyes.

Beside him he heard Ezra let out a low groaned. " _Again? Kanan, I just got my lightsaber. I thought we would be doing some actual training._ "

Swiftly, he lifted his arm and flicked Ezra's temple with his index finger and thumb. _"There two types of training, Ezra. Physical and Mental. You can't just learn one without learning the other. And right now I can tell that you aren't emotionally ready to fight with that saber you have."_

_"What do you mean?"_

Finally, Kanan opened his eyes and looked at his Padawan. _"I can feel your emotions, remember? We are connected on the deepest level as Master and Padawan, which means I can tell when somethings bothering, like now."_

He watched as Ezra's own eyes widened, and then the kid bowed his head, looking away. _"Kanan? When you got your lightsaber crystal with your master, did you see illusions too?"_

Kanan blinked, confused by the question but nodded. _"Yes, I did. Even after I got my crystal I remember still being pretty shaken up afterwards."_

_"Well, in my illusion I saw the Inquisitor."_

Kanan's furrowed his eyebrows, darkly at that name.

 _"And in my illusion..."_ Ezra paused, Kanan watched as his student tried to swallow the lump in his throat that was preventing him from speaking. _"I saw him_ — _ **kill**_ _you."_ The last words left Ezra's voice cracked and emotional, like they physically hurt him to say. _"I saw him kill you and there was nothing I could do! I just stood there and then you were_ _—!"_

 _"Hey, hey. It's okay, I got you."_ Kanan whispered, his voice calm and comforting as he reach outward and pulled Ezra into a safe embrace. He gently rested his chin on top of the boy's head, and tightened his hold when he heard the kid sob into his chest, clinging to him like his life depended on it. _"It was just an illusion, Ezra. I promise, no matter what I will always be here."_

Everything had been so simply back then.

Now though everything was— so far from that, now everything between him and Ezra was just pure silence. Kanan, himself was silent. And by Ezra's emotions he could tell that kid was thinking the exact same thing. So maybe that was the reason why as they walked through the caves on this quest Bendu sent them on, that Kanan decided— that he wanted to say something, _anything_ to Ezra, he was so _tired_ and just for a moment, just for one **_moment_ ** he wanted to pretend that everything was okay between them. But like all things, it seemed Fate— the _Force_ itself, didn't want to give Kanan that luxury for when the screeching of the spiders rang out and the ceiling of the cave crumbled down around him. The former Jedi barely had enough time to dodge out of the way before he had almost been crushed under their weight.

Falling on his stomach, Kanan coughed loudly, using his hand to try and disperse all the dust and particles that was now in the air all around him, making it hard for him to breathe. Rolling over onto his back, he took a minute to regather his thoughts, to collect himself before he pushed onward. It was only then did he realize how deafeningly quiet everything was, usually by now Ezra would either by quoting Zeb's favorite curse word or the kid would be making some type of remark about their current situation, how close they both were to almost getting buried in rocks. But there was nothing but silence.

"Ezra?" Kanan said sitting up, only to be notice that the kid was no where to be seen. "Ez—"

" **Kanan**!" Ezra's frantic voice came out muffled on the other side of the rocks that were now separating them. He heard the panic in the teen's voice and that was enough for the concern to wash over him as he all but bolted forward towards the rubble. Because it was then that the gravity of the situation set in, knowing where they were, and the danger that they were in none of this boded well. Being in a cave with deadly spiders was bad enough for him, since he didn't have his lightsaber to defend himself with, but for Ezra this whole situation was ten times worse because not only was Ezra weaponless but he also couldn't _see_.

He was vulnerable and alone, and that caused a pit of fear to grew in his stomach. "Ezra?" He placed his hands on the rocks and pushed his entire weight against them, tried to push his way through it, because if he could move just _one_ , even if it was just a few inches then the rest would follow and he could get to Ezra and keep him safe from the spiders. "Ezra! Are you okay?" He called out.

"I'm fin—!" Ezra let out a frantic yelp as a loud screeching from one of the spiders rang out.

" _Ezra_!" Kanan proceeded to attack the stone like a mad man, unable to think of anything else, his entire being was fully focused on getting to the other side. He pushed, punched and clawed at the rocks so hard that his nails bleed, but Kanan didn't feel any pain except, just pure, frantic adrenaline. His heart racing in his chest so loudly that Kanan could hear it in his ears. "Please, not again." He whisper out miserably. Because he couldn't fail Ezra a second time, his heart wouldn't be able to take the strain. He hit his forehead against the rubble and slammed his fist on the rocks in frantic frustration. " _ **Please**_."

And then Ezra's called out to him, he could feel the teen's fear and desperation, somewhere in the distance off to his left, far from the rubble that had separated them to begin with. Maybe... Maybe there was still chance, maybe he hadn't failed Ezra any more then he already had.

Wasting no time, Kanan started to run down the corridor of stone, he ran until his lung burned and his was gasping for breathe. All the while thinking that it was just their luck that this simple mission couldn't have been easy. It seemed that with every they have ever done, something always didn't go their way. A mission that was suppose to be labeled as easy or routine sounding turned out to be the complete and utter opposite. Someone that left them in a state of danger.

But as he made his way towards Ezra's signature, Kanan ceased running entirely when a scream echoed throughout the caverns, it was blood curdling, raw and ear shattering. It shot through Kanan's heart and he almost stopped _breathing_ because that sound, that brokenly painful sound, was coming from Ezra, something that should never be made by any living creature much less a person, much less by someone he cared so deeply for. And then before Kanan had the time to process this, Ezra's Force signature suddenly... vanished.

Kanan's veined turned to ice.

Oh no.

" ** _Ezra_**!"

Kanan bolted at top speed. His heart pounding in his ears, threatening to burst open at the sheer panic he was feeling. Because no, _no_ Ezra couldn't be gone. He couldn't be, not after every thing they've been through, not before Kanan could tell him— _Please, no. Please..._ He begged to anyone who was listening, as tears stung the corners of his eyes. The cavern, itself seemed to stretch in width, like it was trying to halt his process of finding Ezra or at least to Kanan's frenzied mind, it was. Memories of the past flashed within his mind. Every moment, every single solitary moment he and Ezra shared. When Kanan teased the kid, they rough housed like the boys that they were, when they trained, where they would seek comfort and assurance as their bond as Master and Padawan grew and expanded into something so much more.

Even the moments where everything fell apart.

Then as he turned the next corner he came into a clearing, the light from Atollon's evening sun shined through the cavern ceiling. And leaning on the against one of the walls, was Ezra. Kanan felt his breathe leave him as he looked at the teen, sitting on the ground with his head propped up against a rock the jutted out from the ground, his mask still covering his eyes. Rushing forward, Kanan all but skidded to his knees in front of the boy. "Ezra." He couldn't help the way his voice crack as he whispered that name, it was like a pray and a mantra. He reached out and cupped the teenager's cheek, gently turning his face, using his other hand, he felt for a pulse on Ezra's neck and almost cried from hysteria when he felt it _thrump_ steadily beneath his fingertips.

Because Ezra was alive, and right now that's all that he could and wanted to focus on. Kanan assumed the kid must have passed out due to his own fear of the spiders and being by himself. Well, Kanan was going to make sure they weren't going to be separated again. Turning around, he gently grabbed a hold of Ezra and hoisted him onto his back. In his sleep, Kanan felt Ezra instinctively wrap his arms around his neck. The action alone was too much for Kanan not to recall the last time he did this.

When he first began fully teaching Ezra the ways of being a Jedi. Kanan decided that first and foremost the kid needed to know how in hand to hand combat, before learning how to swing that saber of his properly. From a learning standpoint, he decided a physical demonstration was the best way to teach the teen. Each day he demonstrated new moves that his own Master had taught him. But Ezra was impatient as ever. Yes he had grown in the past few months since he arrived on the Ghost, and the kid was as eager to learn as ever. But perhaps maybe a little too eager for now he was growing tired of the same moves. _"I'm just sayin_ _—"_

 _"Ezra..."_ Kanan pinched the bridge of his nose as he listened to the kid complain. _"Don't make me add three hours of mediation to your schedule."_

 _"You've been teaching me the same Form for an entire three weeks."_ Ezra stated as he stood up straight, looking at Kanan directly in the eyes. _"If I'm going to be the Jedi you see in me, shouldn't I know more then just Form Three?"_

Kanan sighed, _"I told you that was the only form my Master taught me before..."_ Kanan trailed off and the way he felt must have showed on his face because he suddenly felt guilt coming from Ezra.

 _"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."_ Suddenly, now it was Ezra trailing off, the guilt swirled around the teenager. _"I just want to be a great Jedi, like you. I want to prove that I'm good enough for the title—"_

Placing a hand, Kanan gently cut him off. _"Well, there is one move that my Master taught me before she passed. It took me months to learn how to do it exactly like she did, but eventually I was able to do so."_

 _"What Form is it?"_ Ezra asked his eyes brighten, as he listened intently to Kanan's every word.

 _"It wasn't in any Jedi Form actually, she created it all herself."_ The utter awe that washed over Ezra's face made Kanan chuckle, feeling a strange sense of pride. So much so that Kanan decided to perform the move, if not to just keep that wonder in Ezra's eyes. Stepping forward to give himself some leg room, Kanan closed his eyes and let the Force flow through just as his Master instructed. Then he jumped high into the air while simultaneously doing a somersault, where now he was upside down, then for the final movement Kanan took his lightsaber out and spun in a complete circle before landing back on the ground perfectly.

Standing back up he looked behind him and saw Ezra practically beaming with awe, making Kanan smile. _"Kanan! That was amazing!"_ Ezra cheered and then took out his lighsaber and grinned. _"Alright, my turn!"_ The teen said, rushing forward and Kanan could feel the excitement radiating off of his apprentice.

 _"Hold on, Ezra. It took me months to figure out that move."_ Kanan said as he grabbed the kid's elbow, stopping him from going any further.

_"Isn't that the whole point of practicing?"_

Kanan opened his mouth and sighed, a small headache was starting to form in his temple.

Man, this kid was stubborn.

Unfortunately his slight hesitation was enough to slip out of Kanan's grip and Force leaped into the air and for a moment, just one second. Kanan thought Ezra was going to pull it off, the kid was if nothing else a fast learner. But then that second ended and Kanan watched in horror as Ezra twisted his body the wrong way, falling to the ground hard, and cried out. _"Ezra!"_ Kanan hollered, running forward and kneeling down, noticing that Ezra was gripping his ankle with both of his hands, his face contorted in pain. He knew better to ask if the teen was alright, so he gently took the kid's ankle in his hands to inspect the damage.

Ezra flinched upon instinct. _"It hurts...!"_

 _"I know."_ Kanan said, his voice calm and soothing as he pressed on the kid's flesh where it was already beginning to swell. _"It's not broken,"_ He reassured the boy, taking out some gauze from the pouch he had on his belt and bandaged injury. _"But it is a very bad sprain. You're gonna be off that leg for a while, maybe about a few weeks."_

He watched as Ezra swallowed and smiled sheepishly through the pain. _"Guess I still need more practice."_

Despite himself, Kanan laughed. _"C'mon, I think we've trained enough for today. Let's get back or Hera will have both our heads."_ He teased playfully, picking Ezra up and adjusting him onto his back. As they walked back to the Ghost, he felt Ezra's fingers curl around the collar of his shirt.

_"Kanan?"_

Within their bond, Kanan felt Ezra's guilt once again.

_"Hmm?"_

Ezra's voice was hesitant and small, as though he was afraid of getting reprimanded. _"I'm sorry for... getting hurt and for making you have to carry me."_

_"Not a problem, kiddo. It's what I'm here for."_

Even though the memory itself ended up with Ezra getting hurt, and with a talking to from Hera. Kanan still held the event close to him, as he did every other memory he shared with the teen. And even though Ezra was slightly taller now, then he had been during that event, Kanan still found it easy pick the kid up. Gripping the back of his legs, Kanan walked down the corridor keeping on high alert for the spiders, readying for a fight if need be.

After a few minutes of walking, he realized that Ezra was talking in his sleep. "Kan...n." Ezra murmured, incoherently as those fingers tightened on his shirt ever so slightly. "Missed... you." Kanan stopped walking at those words, his throat became dry and it was suddenly hard to swallow as he closed his eyes, feeling as though someone just sucker punched him in the stomach. _I missed you too._ He thought his heart feeling heavy and it ached. _I missed you, I love you. I—_ Kanan must have been projecting those thoughts, for seconds Ezra stirred in his arms. _  
_

"Ugh... _Wha..._?" Ezra groaned, Kanan could feel the kid's confusion on where he was and who was carrying him. And then shock when he realized who it actually was. "Kanan?"

"Welcome back, kiddo."

Again, Ezra's confusion only grew. "Are we still _—_?"

"In the caves? Yeah, I've been trying to find where we need to go, but this place is like a maze."

"It feels... later. How long have we been here?"

Kanan thought for a few moments, "I'd say about three hours?"

"Really?" The shock was now laced throughout Ezra's voice.

"Yeah, Hera's not going to be happy when we come back. She's always been that way whenever it came to a mission the two of us had to do together."

"I think it had to do more with what happened on Malachor then anything else." Kanan stopped walking then, his blood and heart freezing in his chest. And Ezra, it was like the kid realized he made a mistake. Because now the kid was speaking.

"Kanan, I _—"_ Ezra stopped, paused and then opened his mouth again. "I think we need to—"

"No." Kanan stated, shutting off his feelings, immediately. He could reconnect with Ezra, he could mend their bond, but he would not talk about Malachor, not after what he's done, not after he failed. "Just no." Instantly, he could feel Ezra's hurt, and Kanan flinched. Wanting to run away from everything he was feeling but couldn't because Ezra was clinging to his back. Then a loud noise came out of nowhere, snapping his head upward, Kanan saw that the spiders were right on top of them, circling them so as they would be no escape.

Clinging tightly to Ezra, Kanan snarled. "Get back!"

"Kanan, don't." Ezra's voice was right by his ear. "It's possible to get along with them."

Kanan narrowed his eyes and glared at the insects. _"_ That really didn't go over so well last time, kid. These things almost killed us last time." Where was his lightsaber when he needed it? If he had it then he wouldn't really have to worry about these creatures attacking them. How did he let Bendu convince them leaving their weapons behind was a good idea? And before Kanan was able to come up with a plan to escape, he let out a yelp of surprise when he felt something slam into his side hard, enough to knock him to the ground, rolling in the dirt and rocks.

"Kanan!"

With a jolt of horror, Kanan realized that Ezra wasn't on his back anymore, he simultaneously looked around and there a few feet away, he saw Ezra surrounded by four spiders. "Ezra!" He shouted, trying to get to the boy, trying to be knocked right back down by the creatures. "Ezra!" Kanan back up into the wall, grabbing hold of the spiders pincers, shoving it back. When abruptly, the spider back off, the creature seemed to inhale a breathe, as if it was trying to calm down, and walked away.

What in the galaxy? Did it get bored? Did it decide to show him mercy?

Turning his head, Kanan eyes widened in more, completely shocked when he saw that not only were the spiders backing off of Ezra, but he saw that the kid's hand was outstretched and looked to be in deep concentration. Kanan focused on Ezra's signature, and he realized that the kid was _connecting_ with the crawlers, and making them go away.

And when they were gone, was when Kanan finally stood up as he walked over to Ezra, in a stunned like daze. "Kanan?" Ezra's voice was calm as he stood up. "Are you okay?"

"How _—_ How did you do that? Neither of us were able to do it before." _  
_

"Well..." Ezra responded, as the kid felt around for his mask. "I've been forced to see things different since Malachor. And the Bendu, showed me how, showed me that the reason the spiders were attacking me was because of my negative emotions, the ones I kept hidden from myself. And after I grieved, after I accepted them and accepted _this_ —" Ezra gestured towards his closed eyes as if to deliver his more a crossed more. " _—_ As _me_ and accepted the fact that I'm not useless because of it, that's when the spiders stopped attacking. Because Bendu said it's not in their nature." _  
_

Kanan didn't know what to say, he was absolutely speechless. How did Ezra become so wise in only a few short hours? How had he surpassed Kanan when it came to letting go, when it came to feeling everything and then moving on? In only three hours, Ezra was able to do something that Kanan, himself hasn't been able to do in months, grieve. At least not in the way he should have, not by pushing people away and distancing himself, especially to Ezra.

He didn't know what to feel about any of this, everything was happening so fast it felt Kanan feeling dizzy. "Kanan?" Kanan watched as Ezra reached his hand out, trying to grab at something as the kid took of his mask and opened his eyes.

Kanan felt his entire heart crumble into pieces. For this was the first look he was ever getting of Ezra's eyes, this was the first time he was ever seeing the aftermath of what Maul's lightsaber had done to the teen. And simply seeing the scar a cross that face, seeing Ezra's milky white unseeing eyes as they stared through Kanan entirely, it made Kanan want to run away, to hide himself from the pain looking at Ezra caused his soul, how much it killed him. But he didn't, reaching out Kanan carded his hands through Ezra's hair and then cupped the boy's cheeks. He felt bile rise in his throat, he felt his soul shaking with pain and sorrow.

Even when Ezra jumped at the unexpected touch, that didn't stop Kanan from speaking. Because he's been wanting to say these words for months now, but never had the courage to do so.

He still was a coward, after all.

"I'm so sorry." The words poured out of his mouth like lava, his lower lip trembled, tears filling his eyes. "Everything. This, Malachor, me bascially abandoning you _—_ I'm so sorry, Ezra."

He watched as Ezra's face contorted into two expressions; _confusion_ , _sadness_. "I thought you hated me. I thought you blamed me for what happened on Malachor _—"_

Kanan shook his head, frantically. Desperately trying to make Ezra see that this wasn't anybody fault but his. " _God_ , Ezra, _**no**_. I blamed myself. Maul's attack was meant for _me_. I'm suppose to look after you, protect you! But I failed, I failed you like I did with my Master."

He felt a small pressure on his wrist, and saw that Ezra was gripping it tightly, within the Force, Kanan could feel Ezra's emotions. His _fear_ , his _sadness_ , but he also saw _determination_ , a firmness Kanan hasn't seen since the time the kid wanted to know the fate of his parents. "Kanan, no... it's not _—"_

"But it **_is_**!" Kanan leaned forward and pressed his forehead with Ezra, physically trembling as the tears still spilled down his cheeks. "You're blind because it couldn't get out of the way fast enough, Ahsoka is dead because I wasn't good enough to help her when she needed it." His heart and soul felt like they were bleeding, it felt like his could hardly breathe as he laid out all the things that made him a horrible person. "And when you needed me most I _abandoned_ you, I thought you were better off without me, because all I do with the people I love is cause them pain. I _thought_ I was doing the right thing, I thought by distancing myself I was protecting you from me, I'm such a _coward_! All I've done is made things worse for you, for everyone!"

As he laid out his confession, he watched Ezra's expression twist into heartbreak. But Kanan couldn't stop the words flowing from his mouth, he couldn't even if he wanted too. But just as he was about to continue on insulting himself, Kanan was almost knocked to the ground as Ezra wrapped his arms around his waist and held on so tightly, Kanan was having trouble breathing. "No!" Ezra cried out, burring his face in Kanan's chest. "No! Kanan, don't say that! Please, you mean so much to me, you took me in when I had _nothing_ , you gave me a family and taught me how to be alive for the first time since my parents were taken, you made me a better person!"

Kanan's hand hovered over Ezra's back, twitching and shaking as his emotions continued to crash into him. All his self loathing, grief and anger. His mindset going back to instincts, as he wanted to push his Padawan away from him, so as he didn't hurt him. "You don't need me—" _  
_

"Yes, I do!" Ezra all but yelled out, only slightly muffled by his clothing. "I love you. Kanan... _Dad_ , please."

Fresh tears cascaded down Kanan's cheeks. His breathe hitched in his throat as Ezra's uttered that word. The name he hasn't heard in months, not since Malachor, the simple phrase had him falling to his knees as he clung to Ezra tightly. Kanan let out a choked sob when he felt Ezra's force signature poking at the barrier he built around himself. It was small, a light knock, as if he were asking for permission to be let into a room. His heart hammering in his chest, Kanan finally after six months let the wall come crumbling down.

Only to be jump violently when he felt a sensation of being electrocuted. It started from the depths of his heart then seemed to completely wash over him like a roaring current. The thread— the physical and mental connection that was between himself and Ezra, their bond seemed to _sing_ , seemed to **_cheer_ ** loudly as it started to glow, _brighter_ and _brighter_. Kanan could feel the Force repairing their bond, threading together new strings of attachments and emotions, the good and the bad. The process was painful and he tightened his arms around the boy, _his boy_ all the while this was happening, wanting to simultaneously shield his child from the harsh world but also never wanting to let him go. If _this_ was what it felt like to have their connection repaired, Kanan shuttered to think what would it had felt like if their bond had been completely severed.

And when it was done, Kanan felt more in tune with his emotions then he ever had been before. It was like he was finally feeling them and letting them be shown for the first time in decades. He sobbed out freely, no shame or regret as he held Ezra close to his chest, burrowing his face into the teens neck. Almost curling into himself as he felt Ezra mimicking his actions, clinging frantically to Kanan's waist. "I'm sorry, I'm **_so_ ** sorry, I love you so _much_! I'm sorry!" Kanan babbled out, the tears thick, and heavy falling in different directions down his face, as he finally grieved for everything, for all the bad things that's happened in his life. Ezra didn't have a vocal response to his words, all the kid could do was sob and embrace Kanan. But Kanan didn't mind, he felt Ezra's _love_ for him through their newly restored bond, how it seemed to vibrate at how raw it was. And while their bond wasn't like it had been in the beginning, it was still scared and dented. But it was, however, stronger now then it had ever been.

And that, to the two of them meant absolutely everything.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after the emotional final that was Star Wars Rebels. I felt like I needed to rest for a bit, take a small break from writing in general, considering I did update this story hours before final episode. I needed to get me back in the writing mood, I needed to process the fact that Rebels was finally over and there will be no more new episodes and it's still hard to except. This was the show that got me into SW in the first place, had it not been for this show I would have still not have been a fan. But it's over now and I'm still sad, because damn this was such a good show.
> 
> I realized that this chapter for Kanan was really long compared to the other chapters but I think that was mostly the fact that I just kept on writing and couldn't stop, I was contemplating having to cut it off but I just decided to leave it as is; one long chapter filled with a Self Loathing and Broken Kanan Jarrus. Because this man has a lot of guilt inside of him, a lot of self hatred, depression and at his center is first a foremost a broken man who thinks everyone is better without him. Even Hera and Ezra, the two people he loves the most.
> 
> Anywoo, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. It's not perfect, but then again none of my stories ever are. Comments are always forever appreciated and loved, and I'll see you all soon.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains more Kanan and Ezra angst and also lots and lots of hugs and fluff, plus lots of talking.
> 
> Happy Easter everyone

Ezra lost track at how long the two of them knelt in the dirt and rocks within the cavern walls. Because all he could focus on, all he wanted to focus on was the bond that was now frantically repairing itself between him and Kanan. It started off with a sudden jolt, like someone had started up an old ship that hadn't been use in a while, then the strong thread that had been connecting the two of them, the one that had been damaged but not completely severed was now formed and creating new threads, meticulously and carefully wrapping around the damaged one, making it stronger and more durable. Healing it, but not fully repairing it.

And when it was done, Ezra found himself crying out in relief because finally after six months of isolation, from hearing nothing but static, he was finally connected to Kanan again, finally he was hearing his master's thoughts and emotions. But despite his happiness, Ezra couldn't help but feel sad for Kanan, he knew that _he_ was having a hard time dealing with the events of Malachor and he knew that Kanan was too a certain extent, but the reasons he thought were completely false to the reality.

Because here he thought Kanan blamed _**Ezra**_ for the events of Malachor, but truly Kanan blamed himself. Kanan spent the last six months, thinking that everything was his fault. He felt so guilty that he distance himself from everyone. Within their newly renewed bond Ezra was able to feel his Master's utter love and affection for him, he felt the guilt that Kanan harbored within his very soul at discovering that Ezra was blind. Kanan loved him, truly and the only time he ever remembered that type of utter love was from Ephraim Bridger, for the first seven years of his life, he could sense Ephraim's love for him before he and Mira were taken away by the Empire.

Kanan's was exactly like that, only because of their Force Linked bond, it was deeper then that. And truly, Ezra didn't know if he deserved it. From either of them.

But among all of the affection, Ezra could also sense that Kanan's self loathing ran a bit more then his guilt because of Malachor, the way that his master babbled as he desperately embraced him. Ezra could tell that those words, the ghosts, the old wounds of self loathing ran deeper, it was as if Malachor was simply just the top of this huge mountain of shame, and the rest were all the years of self disgust that was crushing Kanan under the weight of it all.

And because of such, Ezra hugged Kanan all the harder because he didn't like seeing his father so broken, so shattered. It hurt to see it and by all of Ezra's power he was get rid of the demons plaguing Kanan's heart and mind, because he cared about Kanan too much to lose him, especially since everything feels more hopeful now.

As the tears became silent, both of them reluctantly pulled away, Kanan giving him one squeeze before letting go and immediately Ezra could feel a difference in temperature. "Is it nighttime?" He asked curiously, his voice hoarse from crying.

"Not quite, but it is getting there." Kanan answered, Ezra could hear the equal raspy tone in Kanan's voice too, "We should probably finish the task Bendu gave us."

"Okay." Ezra nodded, pushing himself to his feet. One hand leaning on the wall and the other Kanan grasped to aid him.

"I didn't ask before, but... are you okay?" Kanan's voice and his signature held concern for him.

Ezra smiled, feeling happy that he and his Master were finally talking again. "Nothing feels broken, I think I'm okay."

He felt relief wash over him, and he realized that it was from Kanan. "Good. I'm glad." Kanan paused for a few minutes and Ezra heard the sound of shuffling feet, like Kanan was trying to figure out where to go. "I think we got a bit turned around. Where do you think the center of this cavern is?" Ezra let out a low hum to himself, as he crossed his arms and tried to think of a response. Then he remembered Bendu's words about seeing things differently, he remembered Chirrut's words about broadening his surroundings, about not limiting his location and destination with by just what he could touch.

Then a low buzzing in his ear made him blink several times in shock. _Everything is connected..._ A voice suddenly said within his mind, it whispered to him softly, as if this was some suggest, a hint of some kind. Ezra decided then, to put what he was taught into use. Closing his eyes, he focused. He opened himself up completely, feeling no fear or anger as he had before, he just _let go_ and in doing Ezra was suddenly jerked downwards like had made the floor disappear, and something grabbed his feet and yanked him down, then he was being pulled somewhere, _lead_ somewhere. He felt like he was a bolt of lightning, getting ready to strike the ground. Then everything came to a screeching halt as an image within his mind flashed of a location.

"—ra! H—!" A muffled voice suddenly interrupted everything and all at once he was being snapped back, propelled back hitting something solid, the force of the knock back was enough to feel Ezra dizzy, he felt breathless and confused, his head pounding. "Ezra! Kiddo, snap out of it!"

" _Ka-Kanan..._ " He gasped out, as he tried to get air into his lungs. he realized then that he was shaking, and he gripped at his Master's elbows for support.

"Hey, it's okay. I gotcha, kiddo." Kanan's voice was a mix of confusion, panic and affection as he held on to Ezra's shoulders. Simultaneously, sending Ezra warmth and comfort through their bond to try and help calm him down. After three whole minutes, Ezra's heart rate and breathing were finally back to normal. He sighed feeling exhausted once again, but really didn't want to fall asleep in a dingy cave again, so he fought to stay awake.

Among this, he felt Kanan concern yet again. "Ezra." He felt Kanan grip his shoulder, giving them a little squeeze. "What happened? You suddenly just got quiet, you were in some kind of trance and I couldn't get you out of it, you really scared me, kiddo."

"I'm sorry." Ezra apologized, feeling bad that he caused Kanan to worry so much. "I know where we need to go."

"How?"

Ezra swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, trying to figure out what exactly to say to Kanan that doesn't make him sound crazy. "What happened to me, I opened myself up completely, and I think because of my blindness I was able to expand my surroundings like Chirrut taught me because I was able to find the place we need to go."

A flash of surprised and awe radiated from Kanan's side of their bond. "Really? That's... amazing." Kanan said his voice held a tone of wonder. "Well, where to?"

Focusing again, Ezra recalled the path they needed to take. "We take the path on the right, first." He answered, as Kanan let go of his shoulders and both of them straightened up.

"Alright, let's go." Kanan confirmed and Ezra felt him starting to walk away.

Ezra followed suit quickly, as an urge overtook him, he couldn't explain it, but he had this urge to hold onto Kanan, as if he was afraid he was going to disappear even though his master was standing right next to him. Acting on his impulse, Ezra reached out his hand and grasped at Kanan's wrist, feeling _relief_ wash over him as his fingers enclosed around it. _What's wrong with me?_ He thought, feeling slightly annoyed with himself, he was never usually this clingy. Well not this clingy, anyway.

Ezra could practically see Kanan's face of confusion as the older male stopped in his tracks and he felt his master's eyes on him. "Sorry, I'm sorry. I don't know why..." He couldn't help but say as his fingers tightened all the more, feeling confused and frustrated all at the same time.

Kanan's signature then seemed to wrap him in a blanket of affection. "It's alright, kiddo." Kanan's voice was as gentle and reassuring as ever. Ezra felt Kanan pry his fingers lose from his wrist, _**panic**_ set in, a sudden lump formed in his throat... only for it to quickly disperse as Kanan's arm wrapped around his shoulder, pulling him close, before he willed them both to start walking again.

Ezra leaned into Kanan's side and smiled.

A thought occurred to him. "You haven't called me 'kiddo' in a long time."

Kanan let out a chuckle, "You're right, but that's because you asked me not too."

Which was true, he had asked Kanan to stop calling him that nickname a whole month after they rescued Kanan from the Tarkin's ship. Back then, his reasoning had been because he thought he had gained too much experience and had gone through too much to be call a kid anymore. So he had asked Kanan and everyone else to stop, and they did— well expect for Zeb. Looking back on it now, Ezra actually missed it. "This maybe because I'm overly emotional for some reason but I wouldn't be against you calling me that again."

A squeeze on Ezra's shoulders was his only answer before silence fell between them, nothing but the quiet as he listened to Kanan's breathing as he lead them towards their location. Unlike last time, where the silence was awkward and filled with tension, this was much like before when everything had been simple. And Ezra couldn't help but feel happy, because those awkward silences were deafening and they had hurt his heart, he was glad that they were over with, at least he hoped so.

After a few more minutes, Kanan broke the silence. "Ezra?" Using his name in the form of a question.

"Yeah?" He could feel his Master's hesitation, like he didn't know exactly how to asked or word what exactly he wanted to ask.

"You said that Chirrut taught you how to expand your surroundings, right?"

He really didn't know where this was going but Ezra nodded regardless. "Yeah, that and a few others things. Having confidence in myself, listening, waiting, and feeling the vibration's in the ground to know where things and people are." He explained as he adjusted himself in Kanan's hold a bit more to where he was able to take a left turn down one of the pathways. "Why?"

"No reason, it's just I look at you, I see how far you've come and see the amazing things you've done without your vision and I can't help but be proud of that, and think that Chirrut is great teacher." Kanan's words were suppose to be a genuine compliment, Ezra could sense, they were meant to show how much Kanan's views him as strong and capable, whereas he hadn't before. But Ezra could sense the undertones in that comment, the hidden meaning behind the words. And they reminded him of a phrase Kanan also used back when they had wrongfully thought Master Luminara was thought to be alive.

_"In fact she'd make the perfect teacher for you."_

Back then Kanan had meant well, as he had said that he only wanted Ezra to have the best teacher. And now that he was thinking about it, the emotions Ezra felt through their renewed bond, the self loathing and all the doubt, also was most likely the reason Kanan had done that in the beginning. Because he didn't believe he was good enough to teach Ezra the ways of the Force.

And though the words his master was saying now weren't exactly like before. Ezra could feel the concealed message. And he didn't like what Kanan was implying, he didn't like it back then and more so now, not when their relationship had already started to heal. Because while Ezra had once said that Chirrut had been there for him when Kanan wasn't in those dark and lonely six months, that Chirrut was more of a Master then Kanan had been, Ezra realized now that he had said those words out of anger and abandonment. But he hadn't meant them, he hadn't. And the thought of Kanan resigning as his master, felt like he was also resigning as his parent, and that absolutely scared him. Because there was only one person he wanted to be his Master. And he needed to say it now before Kanan's doubt and guilt got in the way like it had before. So planting his feet on the ground, Ezra abruptly stopped in his tracks, which made Kanan stop as well.

"Ezra?" Kanan sounded confused as Ezra listened to feet shifting on the ground, felt the vibrations as Kanan moved. Through their bond Ezra deliberately sent Kanan waves of emotions, trying to fully get his attention. And it worked almost immediately. "What's wrong?"

Ezra opened his mouth to speak, but then realized that he honestly didn't know how to start this conversation. "I... Kanan?" He paused for a few seconds to pressure his lips together in thought. "Chirrut, did teach me a lot while you were...gone, he taught me to live with my blindness. And he did help me feel less... lonely. The fact that he understood what I was feeling to an extent." Kanan's _guilt_ and self doubt spiked with his words. "But Chirrut once told me that there was a difference between teaching someone and being their Master. That he was merely a _friend_ that would guide me, that would show me sympathy and not pity me. Chirrut isn't my Master, Kanan. And I don't want him to be."

In his minds eye he could practically see Kanan hanging his head, as he did often when he was emotionally drained. "But... he knows you more... your disability, he knows how to fight and would be able to teach you how with your lightsaber— And I can't teach you... not like the way I have in the past. I may push you too hard, I don't want to make things more difficult for you."

"I told you this before, I don't want someone else to be my Master, I want you to be." Ezra felt his emotions getting the better of him again and he found himself moving and simply placing his forehead on Kanan's chest and he tried to send the man as much love and admiration through their bond as he could. Honestly, _what_ was wrong with him? "Please." He couldn't hold back the desperation in his voice as he stood there and clung to Kanan like a frightened child, his heart pounding in his ears as he waited for the older man's response.

He sagged in utter relief when he felt himself being wrapped in a warm, protective embrace as Kanan encircled his arms around Ezra's skinny form, holding him tight. "I'll— I'll do my best."

It wasn't a definite _yes_ , he could still feel Kanan's _doubt_ and a tad bit of nervousness. But he also felt acceptance and determination, the desire of being the Master that Ezra saw in him. And that at least, was a start. "You're best is enough, Kanan." Simultaneously, they both gave each other one final squeeze before reluctantly letting go.

"Where to next?" Kanan asked a few minutes later after they resumed their walking, his hand on Ezra's shoulder.

"Actually." Ezra said closing his eyes as he focused and remembered the path the Force showed him. "I think we're—"

"Here?" His master finished, coming to a complete stop. Keeping his eyes closed, he listened and waited.

And Kanan was right, they had arrived at the center of the caverns. "It's about time." Ezra couldn't help but joke with a smile on his face. The two of them had gone through so much in the last three hours, but they had _finally_ made it.

Kanan laughed "You can say that again."

Ezra smiled even wider, feeling slightly cheeky. "Alright. It's—"

"Oh _stop_." Kanan snickered, playfully nudging Ezra's shoulder. Ezra listened to Kanan's footsteps as they moved forward, he felt the energy of the Sith Holocron as his master pulled it out of his back pocket. He waited and waited for Kanan to put the Holocron on the big stone Ezra sensed was there, then three seconds later he felt vibrations in the ground. Several crawlers were coming towards them in a different directions.

" _Ezra_." Kanan said his voice, alert and ready to fight as he ran towards him and placed his hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay. Our conflict is gone, they won't attack us unless we do." Ezra stated as he held up his hand and motioned for Kanan to join him. One by one the spiders moved out of their way, giving them a clear path back outside. Taking a moment, he looked back and felt a mesh of crawlers crowding around the Holocron. It was as if they were, worshiping it or guarding it more like.

A pat between his shoulder blade caused him to look up, look at Kanan. "I think I've had my fill of dark caves for a while."

Ezra's sign of exhaustion turned into a soft chuckle. "Yeah. Let's get out of here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally wasn't going to post this today, since it is in fact Easter Sunday and usually when I post chapters or one-shots on Holidays they don't tend to do well in the reading or reviews department, naturally so seeing as people are spending time with family and thats 100000% understandable. But I've been really excited for this chapter and I actually really like this one, so I was impatient and thought "Screw it, people will review it on their own time". And thus here it is, think of this as an Easter present.
> 
> If Kanan and Ezra seemed a little clingier then usual this chapter it's because there is a reason for it. See what I've always loved about this AU when I first heard about it and more so when I started to write for it was the fact that that once Kanan and Ezra fixed their damaged bond they would be somewhat touch starved. They just had to go through their bond being repaired and as I described in Kanan's chapter, it was very painful for them both. Their bond itself is very sensitive right now, which in turn makes them sensitive and also emotional.
> 
> Anywoo, thoughts? Feedback is always welcomed and appreciated. I'd love to hear them if you all get the chance today. And if all goes well, the next chapter will possibly be the end.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after an entire month of silence coming from this story, I finally buckled down and finished writing this final chapter. Apologies for taking so long but I kept getting distracted with other fanfic ideas involving Kanan and Ezra and then when I was done with those I decided that I needed to take a bit of a break from writing. So between spending time with my family, reading and playing videos games this past month of May, I decided that it was time I finished this story.
> 
> It's not the best and it's certainly shorter then all the other chapters, but it's here and I'm happy, and I hope you guys enjoy it too.

Kanan couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief when he and Ezra emerged from the caves. A light breeze of air wist past his body, gently brushing over his hair like a caress, like a comfort. The sky was now dark, the stars seemed to be shining brighter then they had been previously. And if he was calculating right the sun would be up in just a few short hours. It baffled Kanan that he and Ezra had been in those caves with those spiders the _entire day_ , with this in mind Kanan could help but realized Hera was _not_ going to be happy with them when they got back to the base. Hera's wrath was something he tried to avoid, because as much as he loved her, _adored_ her, cherished her, she was scary when she was angry. Most of the time he didn't mind it, in fact, he liked it seeing her passion, seen that side of her was always a nice change of pace compared to her professionalism of being a Captain of their Rebellion which was all he saw nowadays.

The only time he didn't like seeing her angry was, ironically enough, when it was directed at him. Playful anger he enjoyed, he found it endearing, but when she was full blown angry at him, well that's when Kanan knew that he had to give Hera her space.

And when they got back to Chopper Base that was most likely what was going to happen.

As these thoughts swirled around in his head, Kanan gently felt Ezra's mind and arm brush against his own. He felt Ezra's emotions; _reassurance_ , _happiness_ but he also felt a _**slyness**_ in those emotions, as if Ezra was being supportive but also teasing him on his fear of getting a lecture from Hera. Kanan let out a light scoff, shaking his head as he nudged Ezra back, gently.

Looking up, he saw the Bendu sitting there exactly as they had left it, with a small smile on it's face. "You're conflicts have ended. Perhaps balance has been restored." The Bendu announced, as if it was a legitimate fact, something that was set in stone, but Kanan thought for a moment, and shook his head.

"I don't think— I mean, my bond with Ezra— our _connection_ feels better then it had before, healed somewhat and I feel _whole_ again now that we've grieved and come to terms with what happened to us. But I still have my own... _**demons**_ to conquer, ones that I have gotten use to consuming me. But—" Kanan trailed off as he looked at Ezra, looking into those milky light blue eyes, his heart only twisting slightly less then last time. "But I believe with Ezra here with me, it's possible for both him and I to eventually be okay." Because he wanted to be better, he didn't want his self doubt to consume him anymore. But he also knew that it _**wasn't**_ going to be easy, he was going to have many _many_ moments where it would overtake him, sometimes it would happen without his knowledge, other times he won't be able to help it, feeling hateful towards himself.

But he would do his best, for Ezra's sake, for Hera and Sabine and Zeb.

An arm wrapping around the back of his waist brought him out of his thoughts. "I have my own demons to fight off too, but I think Kanan's right, we _will_ be okay. Eventually." Ezra said next to him, and Kanan could feel the sureness in his voice, that same determination that the kid always had whenever he put his heart and mind into something.

And Kanan couldn't be more prouder.

"Ah, I see." The Bendu hummed out thoughtfully. "And the object within the caves, will you be back for it?"

Kanan thought for a moment. They really didn't need that the Sith Holocron for anything, if Ezra was still set on wanting Kanan as his Master then there was nothing that Holocron could provide for him, besides one would have to be a Sith to open that thing. "Keep it." Kanan proclaimed, as he turned around. "As a gift." Then he wrapped an arm around Ezra's shoulders and smiled.

Behind them, Kanan could hear the Bendu chuckle, it was a laugh that boom out but held no ill-will, simply genuine laughter.

"Ready to go back?"

He watched as Ezra smiled and let out a long, content sign, as he instinctively leaned into Kanan's hold. "Yeah, let's go."

Together, side by side. They headed back home.

* * *

"—And then Chirrut kept whacking the back of his head with his stick."

Kanan chuckled as Ezra gaped at Baze's story telling of what Chirrut had done to him while he had still distancing himself from everyone. "No way." Ezra's voice was held between a mixture of awe an utter disbelief. "Really?"

Baze laughed and clapped the kid's shoulder. "Oh yeah, he even tripped him onto his backside, and just kept saying how idiotic he was being."

"No way." Ezra repeated again, as he moved his face to Kanan and then to Chirrut whom was standing right beside him. "Chirrut, you didn't hurt him, did you?"

"Bruises mainly, Ezra. Nothing that won't heal. But our conversation went a bit more nicer then how Baze is describing it." Chirrut explained, calmly as he leaned on his stick for support as they all stood near the loading dock. Now that Ezra seemed somewhat stable and confident enough in his own abilities, Chirrut announced that he and the rest of crew needed to get back to their own Rebel cell. "And in my defense, your master was being unyieldingly stubborn. Sometimes, you physically have to knock some sense into someone for them to see the light so to speak."

Kanan watched as Ezra's face contorted into mixed expressions. Reaching forward, he ruffled the kid's short hair and laughed, sending the kid reassuring thoughts through their bond. "It was nothing I didn't deserve, kiddo. Chirrut did _both_ of us a favor, and I am grateful that he helped you and helped me see that what I had been doing was wrong."

Ezra looked up towards him, those milky blue eyes meeting his turquoise ones. The ping of guilt stabbed at his heart, Kanan knew that he still had lots of things to over come and conquer when his demons were concerned, but _this,_ Ezra's blindness is something he just doesn't think he'll ever let go of, not completely anyway.

Ezra sighed and Kanan sensed the conflict fading away. "Okay. Sorry, Chirrut." He apologized, as he crossed his arms and looked at the ground, a tell tale sign that he was upset, and unconformable.

Chirrut simply smiled, patting the boy's shoulder. "No apologies needed, Ezra. I can understand your concern."

A content silence fell between them.

Baze, then stepped in, breaking it. "C'mon kid, you have said goodbye to the rest of our crew yet. Be warned, keep away from Cassian, he's can be a bit of a prick."

"Hey now!" Someone, whom Kanan assumed was this Cassian called out a crossed the loading dock a few feet away. "I heard that!" Baze laughed and winked at Ezra, gesturing him forward with a light pat on the back. "You were meant to!"

Kanan now, stood alone with Chirrut. He looked at the man, as he leaned on his stick casually. "Chirrut, I wanted to thank you for what you did. If it hadn't been for you, I'd still be... _brooding_ , I'd still be distancing myself from everyone, from Ezra." He glanced at his Padawan for a moment before turning back to Îmwe. "So thank you helping Ezra and I find each other again."

"My friend, all that I did was show Ezra that he is not as weak as he thinks just because he cannot see, all that I did was point you both in the right direction. You both found each other on your own."

Kanan let out a sigh, and voiced something that has been plaguing his mind for the past few days. "I still don't trust my abilities in training him. I mean, Ezra wants me to still be his Master, but I don't know how to teach him when he's—"

"Blind?"

Kanan nodded, trying hard not to flinch. " _Yeah_ , I feel like a horrible Master for saying it. But it's not him, it's _me_." Biting his lower lip, he carefully thought of his next words. "How do I— How do you think I should go about training him? When I can't do what I was doing before?"

A hand fell on his upper arm, a gently squeeze of reassurance. "You take everything in steps. You sit down, talk with him and figure out what works and what doesn't." Chirrut let got of his arm. "And remember; he is not weak nor is he not incapable learning and neither are you. Because you are stronger then you know, and better then you give yourself credit for. You and your child will find a way, I believe this."

Kanan swallowed hard, a lump forming in his throat. Holding out his hand for Chirrut to shake. "Thank you, for everything."

Îmwe smiled and grasped Kanan's hand with his own. "May the Force be with you, Kanan Jarrus, I hope we meet again."

And with that, Chirrut walked away, Kanan watched in fondness as Ezra hugged the blind man, thanking him for all his help. Îmwe playfully taped Ezra on the back of his head with his bo staff, a grin on his face as he and his crew boarded their ship and left the planet of Atollon, Kanan and Ezra still watching the skies long after they had gone, long after their own crew had gone.

"Do you think we'll see Chirrut and Baze again sometime?"

In a war such as this? It was very unlikely. But he couldn't squash the kid's hopes, even though he figured that Ezra already knew the answer, there was just so little of that left going around. Tenderly, he wrapped an arm around the kid's shoulders, pulling him in close as they sat on the ground. "I'm sure we will."

Ezra leaned into the touch and nudged the edge of his signature, and Kanan immediately let him in. Silently asking a question without using any words. "I was expressing my concerns to Chirrut about training you, I asked his advice on how you and I were going to be continuing your training." Kanan felt Ezra's fear overtake him, but he simply calmed his Padawan, pulling him in closed and placing his forehead against Ezra's temple. "You and I both know I can't train you like I was previously. But we are going to take this slow, we are going to figure out what works, what doesn't. And more importantly, we will do it together."

Ezra's fear and panic faded within seconds at his confession, sacking against Kanan in relief, his short arms snaking around Kanan's waist and held on tightly. "Together?" The kid's voice sound breezy, like he was saying this more to himself then to his master.

Kanan smiled, nodding, placing a chaste kiss on that ridiculously cropped hair. "As it should and will _always_ be."

A comfortable silence fell between them as neither of them relinquished their hold on the other, as they continued to watch the sky, watched as one by one that stars came out, greeted them with their warm, white light as it shined down upon this father and son.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, everyone here we are at the end. Words can't describe how happy and how overjoyed I am that we are here. I know it's silly, considering this story isn't all that long but I honestly always feel like this whenever i finish any story I write. I enjoyed the hell out of writing this. As i often do, when I comes to Kanan and Ezra, and just stories in general. And I hope you guys enjoyed being on this ride along with me! Please leave some feeback if you have the time and I'll see you all next time.
> 
> Like I said, it's not the best, but thank you all so much for being here.


End file.
